Celebrating life

I have never written about my mother-in-law's health problems on my blog. I think it was out of respect for her privacy, and to avoid her seeing my thoughts and feelings about what was going on. I don't know that she ever visited my blog, but there was always the possibility.

My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dermatomyositis in 2002. It's a rare degenerative skin and muscle disease. In 2003, she found out she had breast cancer. The dermatomyositis had masked the disease, a mastectomy was not an option for her. The cancer was in her lymphnodes as well, but seemed to be slow progressing. She's endured several different treatments and a lot of physical pain and suffering the last several years. In November of last year, Pam was having difficulty breathing and was hospitalized at the Huntsman Cancer Institute the week of Thanksgiving. The cancer had spread to her lungs. She began more aggressive treatment right away.

On December 2nd, the day we found out we were expecting twins, we went to her house to share the news. Pam had a tendency to not take care of herself like she should and Aaron decided to take advantage of the opportunity to tell her to listen to her doctors so that she could be around for the twins. The cancer in her lungs miraculously cleared up within a couple of months. Her health was not good though and we watched as more and more problems and complications popped up. I often wondered if she would make it to see the babies. She was determined to be here for there birth. She fought a good fight!

Pam was hospitalized for several days at a time on four separate occassions in the month of May. She was home when the babies were born, but was having a very difficult time getting around. She was unable to drive herself, and the twins were in the NICU. My first visit with the girls was Thursday afternoon, May 25th. We arranged for Pam to come up to the hospital with her mom that same afternoon. Pam was able to see Cami and Brie for about half an hour before her fatigue caught up to her. She didn't get up to the NICU again before she was hospitalized on Tuesday, May 30th. I had been home from the hospital 2 days and the babies were in the middle of their stay at the NICU. Fortunately the hospital that Pam was at was just minutes from where the girls were. We found out on Wednesday, May 31st, that she only had a short time left. The cancer had spread to several organs and she wasn't going to be able to pull out of it this time. Our hearts were so heavy.

The following days were hectic, finding sitters for Maddie so that I could spend several hours with the girls at the NICU while Aaron spent time with his mom. Pam was heavily medicated to ease her pain but that left her incoherent and a little loopy at times. She was fighting so hard to have the opportunity to hold the twins. We tried to coordinate a visit to the NICU, both hospitals were willing to accomodate that but Pam's health just wasn't good enough for it to happen. Cami and Brie seemed to be well enough to be released from the hospital but there were a few hiccups. We were hoping they could be discharged so that we could take them to see Pam. It seems that everything that Pam had gone through treatment wise the last 5 months of her life was to allow her to be here to see the babies. It's amazing how much that determination allowed her to triumph. Cami was finally discharged on Monday, June 5th, the same day that Pam was taken to her mom's house for hospice care. What a bittersweet day that was. Because of all the things we had to do at the NICU to take Cami home, we decided to wait until Tuesday morning to take Cami to see Pam.

Tuesday morning we took Cami to see her. She seemed to be coherent and was thrilled beyond words to be able to finally hold her. She showered Cami with kisses and sweet "grandma" adorations. My heart aches as I think about that encounter. It's the last time that I remember being with Pam. I thought at that moment of all the things that she would miss and all of the things my girls would miss out on with their grandma being gone. I do have to say that it was an incredibly sweet, spiritual moment, seeing two lives so fragile together like that. The promise of what lies in store for my sweet baby and the quiet peace that I saw in Pam as she was finishing up a life well lived.

Brie was finally strong enough to come home on June 8th. Aaron got a phone call that morning that his mom's breathing pattern had changed and he should get to the house as soon as possible. He headed to his grandma's while I made arrangements for Maddie so that I could get up to the NICU to pick up Brie. We were hopeful that Pam would hold on long enough to hold Brie. My mom came with me to the hospital. As I was pulling into the parking lot I got the phone call from Aaron that his mom had passed away.

The next several days are a bit of a blur. We were not only adjusting to having the twins at home, we were making funeral arrangements, tracking down estate documents, and grieving. Nothing in my life had prepared me for how to deal with all of it. We are so very blessed to be surrounded with a huge support network of family and friends. It made everything a little easier to swallow. We put one foot in front of the other and did what had to be done. In many ways, almost three months later, we are still doing this. I suppose that's how you get through many of life's events. I just hope that when I look back at this time that I will remember more than just going through the motions.

I can't seem to find the time!

Life is busy and I'm getting nothing done! That's not completely true, I'm taking care of my girls, and it requires so much time! I'm trying not to let the messy house get to me, but it does. I do take the time to get the kitchen cleaned up every night, but the rest of the mess seems to accumulate so quickly! That's not what's important right now. If I have a few minutes where the babies don't need me, I try to spend them giving Maddie my full attention.

Maddie started preschool again on the 24th. I know this will help her - she's done really well with all of the big changes in our lives but she's struggling none the less. She really enjoys school and having time of her own. Apparently that's very important to her because she's not sharing anything about preschool with anyone. When I ask her what she did she says she knows but she doesn't want to tell me. Too funny.

Cami and Brie are doing so well! They are BIG!!! Both of them are over 12 pounds, possibly close to 13 at this point. They are full of gummy grins and they're trying hard to giggle. Cami seems to have a personality somewhat similar to Maddie. She's ready to go places and do things. She's not real patient (I know, what baby is?) in comparison to Brie. She does aim to please though, she's full of smiles and will interact with anyone who givers her some attention. Brie is mellow, content and peaceful. I often catching her staring at me with a smile on her face, she tries to get my attention with a sweet coo. They are such good babies. They don't fuss or cry unless they're hungry.

Going out is a bit of a challenge. I'm on my own 3 or 4 days of the week while Aaron works his 12 hour shifts. It's just not possible to save errands for the times when he is home, we usually end up leaving the house once a day. It is becoming increasingly difficult to haul the girls up and down the stairs in their carseats at the same time! I'm glad we'll be moving before they get too much bigger. No more counting 19 stairs each trip!

Grocery shopping is an adventure in and of itself. I put the babies in their stroller
and pull Maddie in a cart along side of me. It's almost funny how many sympathetic looks I get when we're out. As long as I can keep Maddie happy and the babies have full tummies, going out with them by myself isn't too bad. It's just become the new normal!

I'm still up with them several times a night. Because of Aaron's work schedule, I often don't go to bed until after 1 a.m. I could change this if I went to bed after the babies 9:00 (approx) feeding, but it would leave me with next to no "quiet time" without Maddie up and running about. Most nights I'm lucky and the girls wake up at about the same time. Other nights they're off just enough that it totally messes up my night. Last night I didn't get to sleep until almost 2, Cami woke up at 3, Brie woke up at 4, Cami woke up at 6 and Brie woke up at 7. I look like death warmed over today! Nights like that happen about once a week.

The biggest challenge so far has been breastfeeding. With as chaotic as the first several weeks with twins was, I became accustomed to pumping and giving the babies bottles. This was nice because I could get help with the kids when I needed it, I wasn't attached at the hip to them. Not to mention that nursing two very small babies at once was very difficult. I was determined to make it work and made myself nurse during the day and still gave bottles at night (while I pumped). I don't always get enough milk during a pumping session to give both babies a full 4 oz. bottle so I have been supplementing with formula a bit. Not the best, but for us it works. I look at it as the way that I'm making breastfeeding work for us. Overall I'm satisfied with how it's turned out. The babies are 3 months old and they are getting the majority of their nourishment from mom's milk. That's a big accomplishment for me!

I will try to update my blog more often. Thanks for reading!

Two months!

Cami and Brie are 2 months old today. I am writing this when I should be sleeping...I will never learn to go to bed as soon as they finish their last feeding of the day. I like the quiet time once everyone is in bed.

I haven't posted an update because I honestly haven't turned the computer on that often, let alone have a few minutes to put my thoughts together. My days are filled with trying to keep Maddie happy and entertained while feeding and caring for the babies. Not an easy task. Preschool starts a month from today and I know we are all looking forward to that!

Last week my parents and I took the girls to my family reunion in Capitol Reef. It was a nice break from the normal routine, but I learned it is crucial to my sanity to not have anywhere I have to be by 9:00 a.m. on a regular basis. We had a great time visiting with family and enjoying the scenery. I have a couple pictures of me with the girls - I went to get the camera to upload them so that I could post them here but it is not where I left it. I think Maddie moved it while she was "helping" me clean earlier today.

We have been working slowly at cleaning out my mother-in-law's home. We'll be moving in by the end of September if we can get things together. I am looking forward to the move for a lot of reasons but I'm hesitant about it for a few reasons. Hopefully it works out!

Cami and Brie's birth story

I think this all started on Monday night, May 22nd. Aaron and I turned on the season finale of 24 that we had TIVO’d about 11:00. I started having painful contractions about 5 minutes apart while we were watching the show, after 5 of them in a row we decided to get ready to head to the hospital. While Aaron was showering and I was tossing some clothes in a bag for Maddie, the contractions spaced further apart and then stopped completely. 45 minutes after they had started they disappeared completely. We stayed up for another hour and a half to be sure they didn’t come back and then went to bed.

Tuesday I had a couple of contractions throughout the day but they weren’t consistent. Maddie and I spent the afternoon and evening at my parent’s house, Chelsey helped keep Maddie entertained while I got some rest. We headed home after dinner at about 7:45. I got Maddie to bed by 8:30, straightened up the living room and then laid down to watch TV. I started having contractions again about 10:00. I started timing them right away. They were coming every 5-6 minutes but they weren’t very painful. I called Aaron at 10:35 to let him know and he said he thought we should go in and get me checked out. He made arrangements to leave work while I called my parents so that they could meet us to get Maddie. Aaron got home about 11:10 and we arrived at the hospital at 11:40 p.m. My contractions were still consistent but not terribly painful. My parents decided to wait until we knew a little more about what was going on. They ended up leaving with Maddie at about 12:45 once they realized it would be quite some time before we knew what was going to happen.

They had me give a urine sample so that they could check for a UTI, then got me hooked up to the monitors. My contractions were about 6 ½ minutes apart and both babies heart rates were doing very well. The nurse gave me some brethine to try and stop the contractions, my first dose of that was about 12:20 a.m. She also checked me and I was dilated to almost a 4. The brethine worked temporarily but the contractions came back and were more painful. We let my parents know that we’d be there for awhile, we still didn’t know what was going on. I had two more doses of brethine with no permanent success. The lab results on my urine sample came back, I did have an infection (which was probably the cause of the contractions). The doctor on call came in to talk to us about 1:30 a.m., he checked me and did a quick ultrasound to check the position of the girls, they were both breech. He said that after reviewing my chart from my first delivery (only 4 hours long) he wasn’t comfortable with how things were going and that they’d have me in the OR for a c-section within an hour. I didn’t think that was what we were going to hear that night!

After the doctor and nurse left the room I broke down a little bit. I made it to 34 weeks 3 days, which is great, but I was hoping to make it to at least 36 weeks. We were very aware of the possible complications that our girls might have. We asked the nurse to please find an LDS Elder so that I could have a priesthood blessing before going in for the delivery. The surgical tech that was assigned to my c-section was the one who came in to assist Aaron with the blessing. It was a blessing of comfort and peace of mind and I was assured that we would all be okay.

They took me into the operating room and prepared me for surgery. Aaron came in and sat by my side. Doctor Barton came to do the c-section and the on-call doctor stayed to assist him. Things happened so quickly once we were in the operating room! The pediatrician on call came in and was there during the delivery. I opted not to watch them make the incision on the overhead mirror but I did watch as they pulled the babies out. Camille was born first at 3:11 a.m. and Gabrielle (after some prodding, she was reluctant to come out!) was born at 3:13 a.m. I only caught a brief glimpse of both of them before the pediatrician and nurses started working on them right away, they were struggling with their breathing quite a bit. We heard them call out the measurements on the girls, Camille weighed 5 lbs 6 oz. and was 18 ½ inches long, Gabrielle weighed 5 lbs 8 oz. and was also 18 ½ inches long. Their weights were really good for their gestation.

An interesting sidenote, as the doctor was checking everything before stitching me up he said “Have you had an ovary removed?” I answered “No, why? Are you missing one?” He replied “No, but you are!” He mentioned there’s a possibility I had both at one time and the missing ovary may have amputated itself. It’s odd that this has never been discovered after numerous exams and an ultrasound a couple of years ago when I had a cyst on my right ovary.

The next several hours are a bit of a blur. Aaron stayed with me while I was in recovery until they took me to my room. Once we had me settled at about 5:30 a.m., Aaron went to the nursery to check on the girls. I tried to sleep but I was very anxious. Aaron returned to my room with the pediatrician to give me an update at about 6:45. They were working on finding a NICU bed for Brie, Cami seemed to be doing okay and might not need to go to a NICU. They ended up looking for 2 NICU beds, deciding to play it safe. There was a shortage of beds in the valley and the possibility of having one baby at Primary Children’s Medical Center and one at Utah Valley Medical Center was very real. When they found two beds at PCMC they decided to send both girls up there. We had to wait for the Life Flight teams to come via ambulance to prepare the girls for their trip. Brie’s team arrived at about 8:15. Once they had her ready for transport they brought her to my room so that I could touch her and get a couple of pictures with her. She left for PCMC at about 10:30 a.m. Cami’s team arrived at about 9:30 and they brought her to me for a minute as well, she left for PCMC at about 11:15 a.m.

I will post the events and my thoughts/feelings of the following days over the next several days. I still need to pull all of that together! Thanks for reading.

Life is back to a new kind of normal

Hi again! I know it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I last updated this. Some friends have mentioned they were impressed that I had updated my blog so quickly after giving birth. I will just remind you that I was in the hospital for 5 days with no babies and, as a result, very few visitors. Thank heavens for my laptop and the wireless internet access provided by the hospital.

I don't want to get into all of the events of the last 4 weeks tonight, it is late and I am not sure I have my wits about me enough to make any sense right now! I have been working on my birth story a little bit at a time, which is turning into a miniature novel. The problem is that the last several weeks have been SO eventful that I'm having a hard time separating the birth story from a journal of everything that happened afterwards.

After the events of the last several weeks we are finally able to have some "down time" at home enjoying our new babies. They are sweet, adorable, precious little girls and we're just in love with them! Maddie is a very proud big sister and just adores them.

I will be back soon with a detailed update! :)

Daddy holding Cami for the first time 

Another pic of Brie 5/25/06 

Brie after she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

Finally able to hold Cami! 

Brie just before she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

Cami just before she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

The girls are here!

Just a quick update, I will post a more detailed birth story once I've had some time to put my thoughts together.

I arrived at L&D on Tuesday night about 11:45 after having contractions 5-6 minutes apart since 10:00 p.m. They were unable to slow them down and about 1:45 a.m. on Wednesday morning we were told to prepare for my c-section (both girls were breech).

Camille was born 5/24/06 at 3:11 a.m.
5 lbs 6 oz.
18 1/2 inches long

Gabrielle was born 5/24/06 at 3:13 a.m.
5 lbs 8 oz.
18 1/2 inches long

They were born at 34 weeks 3 days. A little earlier than we had hoped for and their lungs are immature and underdeveloped. After the pediatrician observed them for several hours and consulted with a neonatologist at the local children's hospital, they decided to transfer both Cami and Brie to the NICU at the children's hospital. They are responding very well to the surfactant and ventilators and Cami will possibly be coming off the vent as early as this morning.

It is terribly difficult to be so far from them. I was exhausted all day yesterday and slept throughout the day but got a call from Aaron as he was leaving the NICU last night giving me an update on their progress. That brought a whole bunch of emotions to the surface. My doctor has already written up orders for a "day pass" for me to leave the maternity ward for a few hours so that we can make the trip up to the other hospital. I am looking forward to spending some time with both babies as I have really only seen them each for a total of 3 minutes.

I do feel incredibly blessed, the birth was amazing and the girls really are doing very well even though they are needing some assistance.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support, thoughts and prayers!

A picture of us

Aaron's cousin got married yesterday at the Salt Lake Temple. As much as I hate to be photographed in my current whale state I had to take advantage of the flowers and Maddie dressed up like a little flower girl. It's probably the last family picture of just the three of us!

Hanging in there

Barely, it seems! I am not sleeping very well, my body just hurts almost everywhere. We've been busy taking Auntie Barbara around town and I am not able to walk for much more than 30 minutes before I am completely uncomfortable. Fortunately every stop we've made has had a seating area that I can hang out at while Auntie Barbara finishes her browsing/shopping.

My latest pregnancy complaint is numbness. My feet and ankles have been swelling up for several weeks now, but the last several days I have noticed that my right thigh is numb - constantly. While we were at the grocery store Aaron had me use the machine at the pharmacy to take my blood pressure. It was high for me but within normal range (136/76). We have some protein test strips here at home and those are coming up negative. Last night I noticed that the right side of my back, abdomen and chest were numb too. I woke up several times throughout the night and both of my hands were asleep - I could blame the left side on the fact that I was sleeping on that arm, but had no explanation for the right side that had no pressure on it. After asking a few friends (some of them mothers of multiples), it seems like it's fairly normal for the last little bit of pregnancy. I will mention it at my next appointment (on Tuesday). I will check my BP and urine protein every day just to keep an eye on it.

Now for some good news...I'm enjoying my SAHM status! It's been really nice to not have to go to work, especially with the new aches and pains. Maddie and I are having a great time together. We've been busy but she's been a lot of fun. This week is different than most of our days will be because Aunt B. is in town and we have a wedding that will take up most of the day on Thursday, so we won't find a "routine" until next week...and that will quickly change once the girls come anyway!

Aaron and I celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary yesterday. Actually, because of Aunt B's visit we spent the day and evening with family. We'll go out for a date night later this week. I'll post more about my awesome husband and the last 8 years later this week. I love you, Aaron!

I made it!

My last day of work was yesterday. It was a great day, too! My co-workers took me out to breakfast at Johanna's Kitchen and gave me a very generous giftcard to Target. It was unexpected and much appreciated! Thank you to all of you! Work was relatively quiet so most of the day was spent chatting and killing time. I don't think it has hit me that it was my last day just yet.

I had a level II ultrasound this morning to check the babies growth. They are doing so well! Baby A is measuring 4 lbs 3 oz. and Baby B is measuring 4 lbs 7 oz. That is right about where a singleton would be at 32 weeks, so they are thriving! I am really happy about that. I am now carrying more baby than I did when I was pregnant with Maddie, she was 8 lbs. 4 oz. at birth. There is some suspense and a lot excitement knowing that the girls are so close to arriving, knowing that we don't have much control over when it happens! My next doctor's appointment is on the 16th.

Today was my first day as a SAHM. I think it will take me a bit to realize that I'll be home every day and I don't need to take care of everything at once! I spent a good part of the morning picking up my room, scrubbing the shower and doing laundry. After doing that I made Maddie and I some lunch and spent an hour and a half resting on the bed. I talked Maddie into a nap as well, so I spent about 4 hours taking it easy today.

Auntie Barbara is in town from San Francisco, she comes every year for BYU's Women's Conference. Maddie and I joined Auntie Barbara and my family for dinner tonight at Ruby Tuesday's. Maddie was a delight, very well behaved! She warmed up to Auntie Barbara very quickly - she remembered her from her visit last year. It was nice to visit with her for a couple hours tonight. She'll be in town until Wednesday so the next several days we'll be spending together running around the town (slowly though, Aunt B had foot surgery recently and we're both walking at about the same pace!).

My last Monday

This Friday closes a chapter that I didn't think I would ever end. I grew up in a home where both parents worked, and never thought my life would be much different from that. When we found out about the twins in December, one of the first things we realized was the fact that having 2 infants in daycare and a 3 year-old in daycare and preschool would nearly wipe out the income I bring home. I have mentioned my excitement about being a SAHM in previous posts, so I won't go into that here. I just wanted to celebrate the fact that I have already survived my last Monday morning as a working (away from home) mom!

I told Aaron on Saturday that I needed him to understand how grateful I am that he is in a position to support us. The challenge ahead of him is a little daunting - I have been the main breadwinner for the majority of our marriage and I know the amount of stress that comes with that.

We also have been fortunate enough to come into a little bit of money, thanks to Aaron's great aunt and uncle who never had children. They were kind enough to think of all their nieces and nephews when they set up their estate 20+ years ago. While the inheritance we are receiving will not make us wealthy, it will take care of our debts and allow us to have plenty of breathing room in our budget to save for a home (hopefully the home purchase will be made by next summer). The timing of this has been amazing, I just can't believe it! Thank you Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Elton!!!!!!

Getting Excited!

Last night Aaron and his brother picked up our sofa from the storage unit. While they were there, Aaron grabbed the bags of Maddie's baby clothes. Once we got the living room situated and the new slipcovers in place, I started sorting through the clothes. We've bought (and been given) quite a few new outfits for the twins, there's not a shortage of clothing in the house! It was fun to go through the tiny outfits Maddie wore almost 4 years ago.

After that project was done I plugged in the camcorder to make sure the battery was charged and a blank tape was in place. We didn't get the camcorder until December of 2003, so all of the home video *I* have of Maddie begins with her at 16 months old. I went through the tapes and let the nostalgia kick in. Her hair was full of tight curls and she had so much personality and such an enthusiasm for life, even then! I watched the footage we took at Mission Beach in San Diego, smiled at her squealing and giggling at the ocean waves. I watched her run up to Mickey Mouse at Disneyland and give him a big hug - and remembered my amazement at how much affection she had for a character I didn't even know she was familiar with at the time (March 2004)! She was elated to meet any character that we saw, and the expressions on her face were just priceless. I watched the footage we took from a second trip to Disneyland in December of 2004 and couldn't believe how much she had grown in those 9 short months.

Why did I title this particular post "Getting Excited?" As my mind was flooded with memories of Maddie from the days she fit in 0-3 mos. outfits to toddler-hood to today, I was reminded of how much fun it has been to watch her grow into the little person she is today. Getting to know her personality, her quirks, her sense of humor, her zest for life. I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Not that I've forgotten about that part of raising a child, but I have been more consumed with the thoughts of how much work we have ahead of us with the twins coming than with the realization that we are adding two more unique individuals to our family. There are so many fun memories to be made in our future! So, for today at least, I have forgotten about the intimidating and overwhelming parts of the task we have ahead of us and I'm completely looking forward to what's in store. It will be an adventure unlike anything I've ever experienced.

And to my sweet girl, Maddie, I want to make sure you know how much you are loved, cherished and adored. Some day you will realize that you had nearly 4 years with Mom and Dad (grandparents, aunts and uncles, too!) all to yourself. I think that Dad and I have made the most of the time that we've had with you as our only child. I know you are very excited about the arrival of your twin sisters, and I know you will be a fantastic big sister!

Another pregnancy update

I had my 30 week check-up on Friday afternoon. Everything looks good, the babies are growing like they are supposed to and I'm healthy. Both babies are breech, and at this point in the pregnancy it's fairly safe to assume that a c-section is going to be necessary for delivery. I'm okay with that. It's not the ideal delivery situation, but I've had 5 months to get used to the fact that it is a possibility and have tried to prepare myself for it. The doctor did say there is a chance they could change positions, but it wasn't very likely. There's not a lot of space for them to move around like that.

The most shocking information he gave me is that I'm measuring 36 weeks. Normal for a twin pregnancy, but he explained why knowing this is important. The body typically delivers when it thinks it's 40-42 weeks pregnant. Since I'm measuring 36 weeks, my body thinks I'm 36 weeks pregnant right now. That means that my chances of delivering between 34 and 36 weeks are fairly high. Ack! He did say that he's comfortable with me delivering at 34 weeks, would be really happy if I made it to 36 weeks, and wouldn't have me deliver past 38 weeks. He went over the things that warrant a trip to L&D, warning signs to look for, and reminded me how important it is to take it easy and avoid activities that cause fatigue. I haven't had any problems that would make me think that I'll go into labor early, but it's a possibility. I am still holding on to hope that I can make it to 37 weeks or so. I go in for an ultrasound on May 8th (approx. 32 weeks), they will be checking the size of the babies. I have a follow-up with the doctor right after the ultrasound.

I called Aaron when I got to my mom's house and shared the news with him. The poor guy has been so busy with work, his licensing requirements and concerns about his mom's health that he hasn't really had a chance to get used to the idea that we have 2 babies on the way...shortly! I heard from a co-worker of his that he walked around in a bit of a daze on Friday night, repeating "The babies could be here in May instead of June!"

My last day of work is May 4th. I can make it. I really have been okay up until the last 2 weeks. I'm glad that we have planned on me starting maternity leave early. My energy and comfort level have decreased quite a bit the last couple of weeks. I am also incredibly grateful that I finally have the opportunity to be a SAHM. What a blessing! I will be able to enjoy Maddie's last year at home before she starts Kindergarten (sniff). I will also be able to enjoy so many moments that I feel like I have missed out on over the years with my sweet girl. I know that this new chapter is going to bring out a whole new set of challenges, but I'm looking forward to the change!

This pregnancy has put me into overdrive as far as preparations are concerned. I have read a half dozen books on parenting twins. We have been slowly adding to a supply of diapers and other necessities. We have the carseats, stroller, cribs (well, we just need to pick them up) plenty of clothing, etc. My hospital bag is pretty much packed, I am working on getting an overnight bag put together for Maddie. As much as I have done to get ready, I'm feeling incredibly unprepared for what's in store. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the fact that we're having TWINS. I'm sure I have forgotten something, or some things, as I've tried to pull stuff together. "Ready or not...here they come!" (Borrowing that line from Elizabeth Lyons, author of the most helpful and comedic book I've read on the first year with twins).

Some thoughts on my "Sweet Girl"

I love this little girl, there is no question about that. She makes me laugh, smile, cry, and sometimes let out a sigh and shrug my shoulders in frustration because I honestly have no idea how to handle the most recent child/parent power struggle.

I am so looking forward to being home with Maddie (and the two other precious girls that will be arriving shortly). The opportunity to be home with her while her life somewhat revolves around me is priceless. I'm not trying to single out my time as a SAHM with Maddie, I know there are two more joining us shortly and I will love them and cherish my time with them just as much.

Last night I got home from work and she came to stand next to me, resting her head on my very pregnant belly. I asked her if she wanted some snuggle time and she excitedly said "YES!" We went to the couch and she sat in my lap while we went through the alphabet flashcards that came in her Easter basket. The TV was off, Daddy was in the kitchen preparing dinner, we had a few minutes to enjoy each other. I know I don't take advantage of all the chances to have moments like that, but I try to do it often.

It is not uncommon for me to hear words of flattery several times a day. Who couldn't use that? A few weeks ago Maddie was in the tub. I was washing dishes in the kitchen right next to the bathroom and said "Maddie, how are you doing?"
"Good, Mommy. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, too."
"Thanks for checking on me, Mommy!"

I love how she has the whole soundtrack to "Wicked" memorized. It is the only thing we listen to in the car...ever. She sings along with it, asks us "What does that mean?" when she doesn't understand or know a word. She still doesn't understand what "ever since I laid eyes on you" means, because how can one possibly take their eyes out? She has recently felt comfortable enough with the lyrics to the songs that she sings while playing, coloring, etc. She loves to show off her talent when we have other people with us in the car. Of course, everyone has been equally impressed by the 3 year old who knows an entire broadway musical soundtrack.

Bedtime is her favorite because she knows she gets undivided attention. Bedtime stories read by Mom (she has told Aaron he doesn't read stories as good as Mommy does) are her most prized possession, and I can often use them as an incentive to do something . She gets a minimum of one story per night, and can earn more. Last night we started reading at 20 to 8 and I tucked her in to bed just before 8:30. She would notice that the story I was currently reading was almost over and she'd raise a finger (or two, or three) requesting another story with a sweet smile. I ended up reading her 5 stories last night. She sits on my lap or snuggles up next to me and listens intently. Our favorites are the big fat books with a collection of stories in them, and I've recently had to purchase a couple more because we've read the stories so many times I just couldn't take it anymore.

I love that she comes running to me when she wakes up in the morning. Sometimes I'm still in bed, she'll climb in next to me, give me a hug and kiss and say "Good morning!" Sometimes I'm getting ready, she'll sneak into the bathroom and hold her arms out for a hug and say "Good morning!" Sometimes I have to wake her up. On those mornings she is hiding under her blankets (she likes to sleep covered from head to toe) and I am greeted almost instantly by an enthusiastic "Good morning!" I still remember the advice my Aunt Caroline gave me at my baby shower. She told me to cherish and enjoy the moments in the morning when my children are still sleepy and cuddly. I think that's something that I would have figured out eventually, but I have enjoyed those first quiet moments in the morning since the day Maddie was born because of that advice.

Dandelions, tulips and daffodils

Maddie was thrilled to discover the tiny yellow flowers that no one minded her picking out of the lawn. She proudly gave me about 8 of them over the weekend. Sunday afternoon she brought me a dandelion and my mom snuck her out to the front yard so that she could get me some real flowers. I have 3 yellow tulips and a daffodil in a pretty blue vase sitting on my kitchen counter today, thanks to them. I love how Maddie finds such joy in being so thoughtful. It makes me smile.

Another thing that has made me smile the last few days - I can distinctly feel two tiny feet that will "play" with me if I push on my stomach. One foot is right above my belly button, the other is on the right side of my stomach, just a couple inches below my ribs. I'm guessing they don't belong to the same baby...and I have no clue how the girls are positioned at the moment. I'll find out on Friday afternoon at my next check-up. These girls move throughout the day but it's still not the constant tumbling act that Maddie seemed to do. Probably a space issue...

We went from 78 degrees and sunshine on Saturday and Sunday to 34 degrees and snow today. It is crazy! There's probably about an inch on the ground that's sticking, and it's gone from a pretty heavy storm to flutters falling. Must be Utah!

Easter Weekend

We had a busy but very nice holiday weekend. Saturday we had a BBQ at Lou & Kim's (Keegan & Jasmine) with Shaye & Emily (Parker and Kara), Mike and Trisha (Ryklee and Symbree). Shaye, Mike and Lou grew up in the same neighborhood that Aaron and I did and they've been friends since elementary school. We spent a lot more time together pre-kids, but we still manage to get together every 3 months or so. The kids really enjoy each other and had a great time with the Easter egg hunt. I have a few pics from the BBQ but none for the rest of the weekend. We stopped by Payless to get some white dress shoes for Maddie's Easter dress and then went home. We ordered pizza and spent the night hanging out watching TV.

We went to our home ward this morning for the Easter program that Aaron's mom directed and my parents were sang in. It was nice. After Sacrament meeting we went to Marie Callendar's with Pam, Drew and Grandma Nina. Good food and we managed to keep Pam out of the kitchen for the day, so that was good. After brunch we went back to Pam's for a couple hours and Adam and Jodi stopped by to visit. We headed over to my mom and dad's to finish up the chocolate bird nests that Maddie and my mom made on Friday night. Maddie and I delivered them to Amy and her kids while they were visiting their grandma and grandpa. We hung out at my parent's house until it was time to go to my grandparent's house for dinner. We were only there for a an hour and a half or so before we decided to get Maddie home to wind down for the night. The last two days have been busy with no real nap or down time. I'm ready for another weekend and tomorrow is Monday!!!

Ready or not...

My last day of work is less than 3 weeks away. I am so excited about this! The financial aspect of it is a little frightening, but we have been so blessed. Timing wise things couldn't be better. Aaron's new job will allow some flexibility for overtime if needed, and we are just waiting for things to be finalized on the estate that we are beneficiaries of. That money is making everything so much easier and less stressful for us!

This morning Maddie said "Mommy, if you'll stay home with me today, I'll pay you." She's looking forward to my SAHM status as much, if not more, than I am. I am grateful I'm able to do this while she still enjoys spending time with me! :)

About the ready or not, I'm trying to prepare for the babies' upcoming arrival. I'm a bit of a planner, which is a good thing. We have purchased carseats, the stroller, the minivan, the cribs (thanks Mom & Dad!), I've started stocking up on diapers...that's is the one item I am sure I won't have near enough of! Of course they have a small collection of outfits, onesies and receiving blankets. I still need to buy a dresser or some kind of storage center for diapers and clothing, etc. but we are getting pretty close to having the necessities taken care of.

Something that several twin moms have told me is to have my hospital bag packed early, just in case. I am hoping and praying that the "just in case" they are referring to doesn't happen to me, but it's better to be prepared. So, that's the project I'm working on right now. I went to WalMart today to buy the toiletries for the bag (because it's just easier to do that than try and grab everything out of the bathroom in a hurry). I also found some cute pajama pants for $5 a pair. I figure I can rely on pajama pants and t-shirt as a main component in my wardrobe for the first little bit. I may be expecting the worst, but I don't anticipate wanting to or feeling like getting out and going anywhere too often at first. Maybe I'll be surprised...

I am 29 weeks 1 day. Tomorrow is April 15th - which is exactly 2 months from my 38 week mark. The babies will be here on or before that day. I just can't believe we are so close!!! Wish us luck!

Maddie's preschool class picture

Maddie LOVES preschool. Her teacher is Ms. Marianne. These pictures were taken 2 weeks ago.

He passed!

What a relief! The last two days of waiting have been horrible for him, and when he's stressed and anxious he turns into a grumpy, irritable boy. Fortunately I've learned after nearly 8 years of marriage not to take it too personally and to just give him space. I'm so glad we got the news (and that it was great news!) after 2 days instead of a month!

I'm taking dinner to him tonight at work and also picking up a treat at Costco for all his co-workers at the ER so that he can celebrate with them. I haven't seen him since he got the results, I was at the doctor's office this morning for a glucose test when he texted me the message "I PASSED! I PASSED! I PASSED!" I didn't doubt his ability but he was convinced he had failed. I'm so happy for him, this is a huge accomplishment!

Waiting on Wednesday...

Aaron took the NCLEX this morning. The test shut off at 75 questions. This could be good or bad. "If you are clearly above the passing standard at this time, you will pass; likewise, if you are clearly below the standard you will fail. If you are too close to the standard to allow a definitive result to be determined, you will continue to answer questions until a final assessment can be made. RN candidates may take a maximum of 265 questions, LPN candidates a maximum of 205."

We don't have results yet and might not for a few days. Aaron is just sick about it. He said he's not feeling overly confident about how he was doing, but he always assumes the worst when it comes to testing. I really hope he gets good news this week! He can retake the test in 90 days if he didn't pass, but we're obviously hoping that's not necessary. I'll update again when I know what the results are!

I took Maddie to Little Gym yesterday. She LOVED it. The girl had a grin on her face the whole time. It did wear her out, last night she actually asked to go to bed. I selfishly wish I could take her every day! We are looking at some different classes/activities we can sign her up for this summer so that she has something all her own to do. Aaron will be home several days a week to take her swimming, and there are some great community ed. options that are close by and inexpensive. I'm just waiting for their summer schedule to come out so that I can get her registered for tumbling and ballet - those are the two classes she has said she wants to take.

Maddie is really into being a big girl. I recently told her to stop growing so fast and she said "But Mom! How would I ever help with the babies if I was a baby?" She'll say something similar to this several times a week. She has a point! She takes pride in doing things that prove how she is a big girl, it's been a lot of fun to watch.

I haven't posted any "belly pics" of me on here. The most recent one I have was taken on Monday, March 27th. I was 26w4d. I apologize for the self-taken photographs, I usually think about taking some when no one is around to do it for me.





It took a long time for me to look pregnant. Just to compare, here are 2 pictures that were taken at 21 weeks. My stomach "popped" out at about 24 weeks.

Long overdue update

I had my 27 week check-up and ultrasound yesterday. Everything looks great. Baby A is measuring at approx. 2lbs 2 oz. and Baby B is approx. 2 lbs 4 oz. They are both growing on schedule and my due date has been bumped up officially to June 29th. Since my doctor won't have me deliver any later than 38 weeks, the girls will be here by June 15th. We are slowly stocking up on the necessities, the carseats arrived last week, I ordered the stroller yesterday, and we'll be picking up diapers and wipes with each shopping trip. The girls are pretty active but don't move nearly as much as I remember Maddie moving. It feels more like popcorn popping most of the time. Every once and a while I feel more pronounced movement, like the other night. Aaron and I went to see Michael Buble in concert at Abravanel Hall. One of the songs had a drum solo that was really loud and I was enjoying it when a sudden punch in my abdomen made me jump a little in my seat. I think we have finally decided on the names, Camille and Gabrielle. We know middle names as well, but they're underwraps until the girls get here (surprise for the family I suppose). The nicknames we will be using are Cami and Brie.

Speaking of the Michael Buble concert, it was excellent. He is a great entertainer! We laughed a lot and the music was great. We don't often splurge on a night out like that, but we were not disappointed. We enjoyed a nice meal at Samba Grill and then browsed and shopped at Borders bookstore before the concert. Our seats were perfect, we were on the 2nd row of the 1st tier on the right side of the stage.

The latest addition to the family is a white 2006 Nissan Quest. We traded in the Toyota Matrix, which did not have room for three carseats in the back. Neither does our Dodge Neon, but that car will primarily be used to get Aaron to work and back now that I am going to be home fulltime. This was a large purchase that we put a lot of thought into. We have had the van for about 3 weeks and we love it. Maddie loves that she can see out the windows so well, I love the power sliding door and the rear A/C and heating vents. Aaron's a big fan of the V6 engine. There is a ton of cargo space as well. After we got over the initial shock of having (and needing!) a minivan, we're loving it!

Maddie is struggling with the upcoming changes, I suspect. She's acting up a bit more, wants more attention, testing her boundaries a little bit. It's been a challenge to figure out how to handle it all. She is mature for her age, and it's hard to remember sometimes when she does something that is normal for a 3 year old that she is just a 3 year old. We can have lengthy detailed discussions about things, she has the soundtrack of Wicked and the Wizard of Oz memorized, she's very independent. It makes it difficult to discipline her because she seems to be a little adult so much of the time. I have been reading and practicing the 1, 2, 3 Magic techniques and that has helped a bit. Maddie must think it works, she attempted to count the cat out of her room the other night. "ZEUS! Get out of my room! 1, 2, 3!" No, it didn't work, but I had to smile at her technique. Maddie has one more month of preschool, her last day is also my last day of work. Since I'll be home for the last 4-6 weeks before the babies arrive, I am hoping to have enough energy to do some fun things with her.

Aaron is taking the NCLEX on Wednesday, April 5th. The poor guy is stressed to the max. He's been studying at least 10 hours a day for the last 2 weeks. I think he will do just fine, but he always struggles with test anxiety. This particular test is a big deal, so I completely understand the stress. He really loves his job and the people he works with. His schedule will work out pretty well for us, as crazy as it is. He works Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday from Noon-Midnight and then Tuesday and Friday from Noon-Midnight. He has a 5 day stretch where he's off every other week. With his shift starting later in the day, I might be able to get a shower every morning when the babies get here!

Sorry this update is a little disjointed, I'm at work and keep getting interrupted. I will most likely post an update next week once Aaron has finished his NCLEX.

Ultrasound results are in!

We're expecting two girls! I'm excited. Finding out the genders and seeing the clear images during the ultrasound made the pending arrival much more real. I keep looking at the ultrasound pictures in amazement at what is going on inside me, and I'm falling in love with them!

Aaron was able to be there for the ultrasound, which was great. We were surprised to hear that Maddie's prediction of boy/girl twins was incorrect, but we're still delighted with the news. We were also able to hear the heartbeats for the first time. The regular doppler isn't efficient at separating the heartbeats, so the doctor hasn't attempted it. The ultrasound machine was able to pick it up really well. I said out loud "That's the first time I've heard them!" and I got a little emotional. The ultrasound tech verified that all of the organs were in place and appeared to be in perfect shape, all of the limbs are there too. That is so wonderful to know!

Aaron's worried about all of the emotions and estrogen he's going to be surrounded with, but he's adjusting fine. A quick trip to look at baby clothes last night helped him get used to the idea, he's a sucker for baby girl clothes!

Now to decide on names. Aaron likes the idea of names that start with the same letter, we're tossing around the possibility of Hannah and Hailey. I really like the name Hannah, not so sure about Hailey at the moment. I also like the names Camille, Emma (too popular right now though), Brooklyn...there are a few on the list. Aaron does like the name Camille, and I think that Hannah and Camille are lovely twin names! We'll be discussing this for the next 18 weeks, I'm sure! Maddie thinks we should name one of them Dorothy (Wizard of Oz fan). I'm going to have to put my foot down, there. :)

Maddie is so excited to have two little sisters. We took her shopping last night and let her pick out the first outfits we purchased for them. My mind is spining at the thought of all the pink and purple, dress-up clothes and princess items we'll be surrounded by for the next several years. I do love my sweet girl, and I'm looking forward to getting to know the personalities of the other two that are on their way!

I'm sick and tired!

Actually quoting Maddie here. She's had a terrible few weeks at bedtime but Tuesday night topped the cake. Her complaint? "I'm sick and tired of my bed!" She offered no explanation as to why, nor did she have a solution for the problem. It was quite the show. My mommy inuition has no expertise in the sleep issues of toddlers, and I'm at a loss. I admit I have resorted to bribery. It's worked the last two nights, let's hope we're on a roll. Preschool starts again on Tuesday and a bedtime of 11:00 p.m. just doesn't work when she has to get up at 7:00 a.m.

Last night Maddie said her bedtime prayer, it was so sweet. "Please bless Grandma Pam and Grandma Nina that they will get better, please help Maddie sleep good and have a fun day tomorrow, please help her when she gets her babies too." I'm assuming she was talking about the twins. After she finished she said "Did I do a good job Mommy?"

My back has been bothering me a lot the last couple weeks. I finally called a chiropractor on Wednesday, it is too early on in the pregnancy to accept this amount of discomfort and pain for the duration! I went in yesterday for my first adjustment and it felt great. I also returned this morning. I think this spot in my back is so tender and sore that it will take a few more adjustments to get better. I am optimistic about the potential outcome and feeling better already!

Aaron starts his RN training next week with Intermountain Healthcare. He's been working as a patient care tech since graduation at Alta View Hopsital. The paycheck with almost full-time hours and a payraise was quite nice this week! We are really excited about the future. There are a lot of opportunities and good things ahead.

The holidays

Maddie was so excited about Christmas this year. We went to breakfast with Santa on Saturday morning at the Tiffin Room and her ticket was pulled out in the drawing at the end. Santa gave her s Belle doll with a bunch of outfits and shoes. She was so excited, saying "This is just perfect for me!" She couldn't believe Santa knew just what she wanted. It made Christmas that much more magical for her.

Saturday night (Christmas Eve) we had Aaron's family over for our Christmas party. Christmas day gets so busy trying to visit everyone that we decided to make it easier for all of us. We had a lot of good food and a good time Pam (mother-in-law) went overboard again, I got a ton of maternity clothes, Aaron got the new BBQ Crockpot and Maddie got a Cinderella kitchen and a few other things. Everyone left by 10:30 and we put Maddie to bed. We had a long night ahead of us. After "helping" Santa we got to bed at about 1:15.

Christmas morning we let Maddie sleep in a bit and got ourselves ready so that we could get to church on time. We woke her up and she was so pleased with everything she got. Her big gift was a Cinderella vanity and a chest of dress up clothes - that is her favorite thing! Aaron spoiled me, he tends to do that with his girls. I got a pocket pc and a transmitter for my ipod along with a gift certificate to the spa I like to go to. Aaron got a really nice stethoscope, a couple shirts, a game for his Xbox, some cookbooks and a board game.

We went to the choir program at our parent's ward Christmas morning, Pam was in charge of it and my dad was in the choir. It was really nice to go and be reminded of the meaning of Christmas. It set a nice tone for the rest of the day. After church we went to my mom and dad's home, had lunch and opened gifts. Maddie got some make up and girly bath stuff, I got a beautiful gift basket loaded with things to pamper myself with and Aaron got his gift early this year - my parents paid for his NCLEX course which was a huge gift! I took a nap with Maddie for an hour before we headed to Aaron's grandma's house. We weren't there more than an hour, Aaron had to work at 6:00. Maddie and I went back to my parent's for a few hours to play games and visit. It was a nice fairly relaxing day.

I really enjoyed the long weekend and I'm looking forward to another one with New Year's! I have my 14 week check-up tomorrow afternoon and it's the first appointment Aaron will be going to. I cannot believe how pregnant I feel! My back has really started bothering me the last few days and I am walking funny because of it. You'd think my stomach was quite a bit bigger than it really is with the way I'm waddling around today. I'm hoping it's just temporary but I'm not holding my breath. Last night my stomach was bugging me and I said something to Maddie about it. She said "Is that because the babies are kicking you? Those naughty babies!" Too cute!

Maddie is, as always, such a delight. I adore her! Tonight she pulled her little chair close to me while I was sitting on the floor so that she could rub my back. She has been making an extra effort to be good and will say "I'm trying not to be naughty" so that we'll notice. It's precious. I am so blessed to have this sweet girl in my life. She amazes me!

I know it's been a while, but I have an excuse!

I found out I am pregnant on the 20th of October. I was waiting to make the announcement to friends and family, so I couldn't exactly write about it in my blog. Being pregnant with a 3 year-old to chase after has completely wiped me out and I haven't had much energy to get around to doing this. Terrible, because I have so much that I want to write down and remember. I am going to make an earnest effort to keep up on my journaling - both here and in my handwritten one.

Aaron and I had casually decided that the fall would be a good time to start trying to conceive, we were anticipating his graduation from nursing school and looking forward to some big positive changes in our lives. I was a little surprised, even after we had planned this, to see the two pink lines on the HPT. I hadn't let DH know that I suspected I was pregnant, so when I gave him a gift bag with the test and a card announcing our impending arrival he was surprised. We decided to wait until Christmas to make the announcement to our family and friends, but I did share the news with my sister. I have had a relatively uneventful first trimester - the fatigue has been horrible though!

I left with Maddie, my mom and my sister for Phoenix, AZ on November 18th. We were going to spend a week with my grandma for Thanksgiving. It was a fun trip and I really enjoyed the extra time with Maddie, my mom and my sister. My grandma was immediately stricken with Maddie's spirit and personality and she enjoyed our visit. I did have a hard time hiding the fatigue and food aversions from my mom and knew that she suspected I was pregnant but never really came out and asked me.

My first prenatal appointment was on Friday, December 2. Aaron was unable to go with me because he'd worked a 12 hour night shift on Thursday night. I waited, and waited, and waited to be called back to the ultrasound room. My doctor has great bedside manner and really takes his time to talk and address concerns, etc. but it leaves the waiting room full. It was actually 2 hours from the time my appointment was supposed to start that I finally saw him. Dr. Barton does an ultrasound at the first appointment to check for the heart beat and allow you your first glance at the life growing inside. I remember that moment so well the last time around, when I first saw Maddie. We talked for a few minutes, he asked me what was going on in our lives and how Maddie was doing. Then it was time to see the baby. He applied the gel and moved the wand around for a minute and said "Let me make sure I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing." At this point I thought for sure that there was no heartbeat, I was preparing myself to hear that. He then said "You have one at home?" "Yes. I was absolutely shocked to hear the next thing he said, "What do you think about three?" "SERIOUSLY!?!?!?" To be honest, I was far more prepared to hear that there was no baby at all. I looked at the screen and it was plainly obvious that there were two babies. He helped me see a heartbeat and then I was delighted (but still in shock) to see the other one moving around quite a bit. He briefly went over some of the potential problems and complications, mentioning pre-term labor, c-section, etc. He said he'd see me again in 4 weeks. I walked out to the lab and the lab tech was the first one I shared the news with. My lab tech looked like he could be Santa Claus, with a personality to match it. He just giggled and chuckled. My shock had made my veins disappear and it was an unusually hard draw. Once that was done I went to the car to drive back to work, and I remember just saying over and over "Wow, what are we going to do?!?"

I made a quick stop by the house and woke Aaron up and gave him the ultrasound pictures. He looked at it for a minute and sat straight up in bed and said "This isn't supposed to happen, it's supposed to skip a generation!" Aaron is an identical twin. I told him it was clear as day and he agreed. We talked for a few minutes about how this will change a few things - namely my employment status. The cost of three kids in daycare with two of them being newborns is just not something I'm willing to pay. I have longed to be a stay-at-home-mom and it looks like the opportunity has presented itself. I am looking forward to it!

We decided we couldn't hold this much of a surprise in for 3 more weeks and went to share the news with our families. Everyone is ecstatic and amazed! Maddie had actually told me while we were in Phoenix that when I have a baby she will get a sister AND a brother. She might be right! She has noticed my stomach is growing and laughs when she says "There's some babies in there!"

My mind has been racing with all of the possibilities and I've been reading and asking questions of friends who have had multiples. I am going to my next appointment prepared with a list of questions for my doctor. The hard part for me is not having much control over the next 7 months...but I am also realizing I will have little control over the rest of my life! I am hoping to be able to work through April so that we can really get our debt down to almost zero (other than student loans).

The last several days I have felt that light fluttering and I am again amazed at the miracle of new life. I am anxious for my next appointment on the 30th where I will be able to hear their heartbeats.

Aaron gave me a Priesthood blessing on Sunday night that was jsut what I needed. I have been praying for peace of mind and heart knowing how much of a change this is going to mean for our family. I really do love and want these babies, but I was concerned at how apprehensive I was feeling. I am sure it's a normal emotion and reaction under the circumstances, but I wanted to find the excitement and joy that I had when I was pregnant with Maddie. I had talked about it several times with Aaron and the blessing he gave me Sunday was really comforting and brought me a lot of peace.

We are just full of exciting, big life changing news! Aaron finished his finals on Tuesday and he has done so well. He graduates tonight. I am so proud of him. He has worked so hard and his determination to do this has really amazed me. It has not been an easy journey for any of us but we made it - of course, he gets most of the credit!

What do I do now?

Awesome news arrived in my e-mail on Tuesday, I passed my phsyiology class. I even did better than passing, which made me really happy! I am now waiting to hear back on my application for the nursing program at SLCC. There is currently a 3 year waiting list, so I have some time to do some things. I also got some "bad" news. I have taken too many credit hours for a 2-year institution to receive any additional financial aid. That's what happens when you are misguided by a guidance counselor and go about getting every general out of the way...not to mention having to start at almost the bottom of the barrel of math classes. What does this mean? I don't get financial aid this fall...which was the biggest reason I was going to go this fall. I decided to drop my classes and cut down on some of the stress in my life. Once I made that decision I have been giddy at the thought of extra time! I'm sure Maddie will enjoy having me home with her at night, and it will hopefully help Aaron get through his last semester of school too.

It's somewhat unnerving to reach a goal like this. I don't know how to explain it. I have been working on these pre-req's since August of 2003. Slow as a turtle, but I've been dilligent in my pursuit. It's difficult to take more than 5 credit hours a semester when you work full-time, have a toddler, a husband who is in school full-time and working full-time, you get the idea. I know people do it all the time, but this has been such a challenge for me! I'm proud of myself for sticking with it and not giving up. My mom would say that my childhood self gave up the things that did not come easily. I think that I have rectified that, based on situations in my adult life - my marriage, my employment, my education.

Our family is at an obvious crossroad. Aaron graduates in December, hallelujiah. We have an almost 3 year-old daughter that starts preschool in 10 days. We are hoping to purchase a home by the fall of 2006, and I think that will happen. We feel like it's time to invite another little person to our family, so we will most likely be pregnant within the next few months. So many changes, but good changes. I am grateful that Aaron's layoff at Providian happened when it did, it motivated us to buckle down and get serious about being adults. The last three years have been challenging, but good. We've grown a lot, learned a lot, and it has been a positive experience for the most part. Having to make choices and decisions is such a daunting task at times, it's nice to look back on a choice and know that you chose correctly. I wish I could say that for all of the choices in my life, but that would almost certainly defeat the purpose of being given choices to begin with!

We are heading up to Park City for a few days to get some R&R before Aaron starts school on the 29th. I'm taking up the new Harry Potter book and the most recent Patricia Cornwell novel in hopes of really enjoying some poolside reading. It has been about 2 years since I last read a book for fun, and I miss that!

I'm also looking forward to getting away from everything for a minute. Work has been very busy. We are short-staffed for the duration, it appears. The property I work at is for sale and there is a contract for the purchase. If all goes well, it should close by the 20th of September. I really hope that it works out, trying to keep things where they need to be for the prospective buyer to stay interested is a lot of work! We had due dilligence on Thursday and Friday, and spent the first three days of the week preparing for that. I've worked overtime for the first time in my life. It's been crazy!

Maddie is so excited to start preschool. I took her with me to go fill out all of the paperworks and make the first payment last week. She got a tour and was thrilled to see the tiny porcelain toilets in the bathroom. "How cute are those, mom!?!" She'll be a polar bear in Ms. Marianne's class. We will be picking out a backpack while we're up in Park City. She's still trying to decide between Dora and Disney Princesses. If her dad has anything to say about it she'll probably end up with both. My child? Spoiled? It's daddy's fault!!!

Don't Let's Start...

I'm sitting here waiting for the washing machine to run through its cycle. My mind is full of a million thoughts and I don't know what to do with them! I thought I'd come type a few of them out.

I haven't had a chance to write in here lately, so you'll have to excuse the fragmented stories.

About 6 weeks ago a new "girl" started at work. I don't even know how to describe her. I have never had to deal with such a difficult personality conflict in my life! Well, one other comes to mind, but I don't even think that this compares - it's a little different situation. Catty, manipulative, fake, passive aggressive (although I have to own up to the fact that I have dealt with her in the same way, I am afraid to stand up to her). It's been so hard! My manager gave notice, her last day was the 22nd. It's amazing how much influence one person (or two people) can have on your attitude and performance at work! My manager had an awesome opportunity available to her, and I am jealous! I wish her the best. Unfortunately she left me with this "girl" that drives me insane and makes me dread going to work! Good news came this week, she found a job somewhere else. The potential sale and instability she feared came with it motivated her to find something else. Buh-bye. :) Her last day was supposed to be next Friday, but she called in this morning saying that her dad had bought her a plane ticket to go home for the weekend, so she wouldn't be in today or tomorrow...it looks like after that stunt she'll be leaving on Monday once they collect her keys. Darnit!

As I mentioned, the site I work at is up for sale, it's a stressful situation, we're all a little on edge. There is no certainty on our employment situation once the sale goes through, and no specific date to work towards. I'm not terribly worried about it, I think that the owners of the company I work for are motivated to find me a position elsewhere with the company. If that isn't an option, Aaron and I are fortunately in the position for me to go on unemployment for a while until I am able to find something. My salary is higher than my education level justifies, if that makes sense...it would be (has been in the past) difficult for me to find something that pays the same amount of money. We'll see what happens. I'm just riding it out!

Good news!!! I am passing physiology! I have one more exam on the 8th of August, and I think I'm going to pull it off! I am anxious, but excited! Wish me luck!

Maddie has been having a rough week because her bedtime hasn't been consistent. When Aaron's home she has such a hard time settling down for the night! The late nights have actually started a pattern of her sleeping in, and it's not good! We're back to a rigid schedule starting on the 29th of August when school starts again...ugh...Aaron just got his information packet from the department of nursing today, this last semester is going to be a challenge to get through. Maddie is also so excited to start preschool! I can't believe she's going this fall!

My best friend's husband moved out this week. She has survived a year of marital hell and is still so gracious and willing to work on it. I admire her strength. My heart aches for her, she is struggling so much with everything and I just hate to see her have to deal with all of this. She is a beautiful person, an awesome dedicated mom, a great friend...an all-around good person. I just don't understand it. Amy, I love you! I hope that the rainy days move out quickly and that the future is much brighter, no matter what happens with your marriage. I wish so badly that this didn't have to happen to you!

So, there's some of the thoughts going through my head. It's late...I have laundry to get to. Oh, my Friday nights are so exciting!!!

I know the secret

SunshineDaze

I got to sleep in until 11:00 a.m. this morning. This is a first in
years! Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy it too much. I woke up early this morning knowing that I wasn't going to feel well today. When I finally got out of bed an hour later to shower for work, I could tell I wasn't going to be able to function. I called in sick, something I hate doing, and climbed back in bed. I'll spare the gross details, but I am ready to be over this!

I did have to get to school to take the midterm in my lab, that was fun. I don't know that I did too well, I was trying to focus on the test but was focusing harder on not passing out. Lovely. I'm missing my lecture right now, but couldn't find the strength to get myself and Maddie out the door. Aaron was sweet and missed out on his afternoon nap for his graveyard shift so that I could get more rest, and he made sure Maddie was fed before he left for work.

I feel horrible that I'm counting down the minutes until Maddie's bed time (1 hour 10 minutes). She's looking at me like I'm an alien today. We have plans to go to Lagoon on Saturday, I hope I'm feeling well enough!

One more thing and then I'm off to bed

I was reminded tonight of my sweet child's desire for independence as I put away dishes. This morning as I was working on some homework, Maddie announced that she was going to make herself a peanut butter sandwich. Amused at the thought, I kept my eye on her from the computer desk and watched her get a piece of bread out of the bag, her plastic knife out of the utensil drawer and open the jar of peanut butter that had been sitting on the counter. She took a plate off the counter and crouched down over her findings and worked diligently at spreading the peanut butter on the piece of bread. She put everything back on the counter (even put the lid back on the peanut butter!) and brought me a crumpled piece of peanut butter bread that she had wadded up. She was only frustrated when she couldn't get the bread folded nicely in half. That's when she asked for help. I obliged, of course, smiling at her sense of accomplishment. She ate her "sandwich" and the day went on...I didn't think of the sandwich again.

Tonight as I was unloading the dishwasher and putting the clean things in their place, I noticed a yellow plastic knife in the utensil drawer - with peanut butter smeared from the tip of it all the way down to the bottom of the handle. I just had to laugh.

I have found the compulsive mom in myself

"Do you need to go potty?" "Maddie, do you need to go potty?" "Let's go potty, Maddie." That is me the last three days. I need to give it a rest...Maddie finally said to me tonight "Mom, I already told you no!" To my credit, yesterday I asked her twice within 10 minutes, and she came to me about 2 minutes later with wet poopy underwear. Oh, this has been too much fun. We started on Sunday, had one accident. Monday we braved a trip to the mall and she did great. The accident happened after her naptime yesterday, shortly before we left for our friend's house for fireworks. Today I was off again and stuck with it and I think she's just about got it.

This all started on Saturday when we were at Costco and I said "Oh, I forgot to buy diapers." Aaron said "let's just not buy them anymore." Translate to "why don't you potty train her this weekend, Tandy." Yeah, it was all me, but that's okay...he's home with her tomorrow and I hope he's persistent.

So, that's my mommy brag for the day...Maddie seems to be potty trained. I'm sticking with the pull-ups at night, because I'm just not ready for the wet bedding. She's woken up with dry pull-ups for the past week, so I think we're probably safe, but I'm going to give it a little longer.

Now to brag about myself. I got the essay portion of my third first physiology exam back tonight. I got 10 points out of 10 points possible. That is a first for me in my college career...usually I am seriously lacking in essay writing ability. I cried tears of joy after I got over the shock of seeing 10/10 on my paper, the professor even wrote "GOOD!" on it. Wow!

Friday night

Aaron worked last night so I had a quiet house after Maddie went to bed. Our new selection of Netflix movies arrived yesterday so I decided to watch Finding Neverland. First of all, there is something amazingly wonderful about watching a movie in your pj's all snuggled up in bed with lots of pillows! The movie was great. I really enjoyed it. I found myself crying for reasons I still am not sure of. There is so much to be said for enjoying the innocence and imagination of youth, I think. There is also too much heartache that some children have to bare. So, I cried, and I didn't care - because no one was there to see it!

Speaking of children, I enjoyed another fun Friday with Maddie last night. Fun Friday has become somewhat of a tradition between Maddie and I, Aaron works most Friday nights. I try to find something different to do each week that keeps us away from the TV and other distractions at home. Last night we went to my mom's house. Mom bought Maddie some sidewalk chalk and we spent the evening on the driveway drawing everything Maddie could think of. She tried walking through the colors and jumping into the pictures, just like Mary Poppins. We didn't get anywhere though! She is so much fun to watch. Maddie was also thrilled because my little sister's boyfriend took a few minutes to paint her toenails. Maddie adores Brady and I think she has a crush. :) This morning she was admiring her pretty toes and she said "I love Brady, he's my bestfriend." Once again, the number of people in Maddie's life that she has to love is just incredible. She loves them all, too.

That reminds me, we went to Rite Aid to buy the sidewalk chalk. The clerk at the register said "Is that your favorite grandma?" as Maddie had her head resting on my mom's shoulder and was embracing her whole-heartedly. I was somewhat worried about the response she would have, but Maddie was very thoughtful before she spoke. My mom commented and said something about Maddie having several favorite grandmas. Maddie then said "I love my grandma Lisa, and I love my grandma Pam, and I love my grandma Nina." What a lucky kid to have so many wonderful grandmas. They are all wonderful in different ways, and Maddie has already figured that out!

I am sitting here at work with little to do, regretting that I didn't bring my physiology homework with me today. I guess no one is looking for an apartment over the holiday weekend. Only two and a half more hours to go.

We don't have any plans for this weekend. I'm off Sun-Tues and I'm excited about the long weekend. Aaron works the graveyard shift tomorrow night so Maddie and I will probably spend the first half of the 4th with my family. There's a celebration at the U of U tonight with a 40 minute firework show, we might try to find a good spot to watch them. I wish it weren't so hot, I'd consider buying tickets to the show at the U of U - we went several summers ago and felt like we were roasting in the stadium. The thought of it is not appealing!

Random

It's quiet in my house. Aaron is at work and Maddie went to bed on time. All I can hear is the sprinklers - ch ch ch ch ch ch ch tttttttttttttttttt. Hmm, not sure how to type out that sound, but there's something about it that makes me smile. Summer days - reminiscing to childhood and the carefree days. Wouldn't it be nice to have that back? I get a glimpse of it as I watch Maddie enjoy her bliss. I'm thankful for those reminders.

I was sitting in my physiology lab today and overheard a classmate lamenting over her poor grade on our first test of the semester. She was very emotional, regretted that she has taken on too much because her personal life is a mess, and I knew what she was talking about. I also, shamefully, was proud of myself because I FINALLY pulled off a passing test grade in this class. It's about time. I have been in the best mood since I got my test score back. I seriously have been doubting myself with this class, wondering if I have what it takes to get through nursing school. Silly, really, because I know I can do it - I just need to be diligent in my efforts.

Aaron called today to let me know he was pulling into the property where I work. This is a daily activity. Maddie brings her daddy swimming every day when it's nice outside. I meet them at the pool so that I can apply sunscreen. It's nice to have a pool on the job, Maddie loves the water. After they get in the pool, I stand by and watch Maddie laugh and enjoy her time with her dad. I really think that's what it is about. There's no TV, no phone, no homework taking away his attention. She lives for this time. Aaron loves it too.

I'm sitting here avoiding housework, but I was waiting until Maddie was asleep so that I could run the vacuum. It's amazing how much mess a toddler can make in a day! Tomorrow is a busy day at work, and I have to find some time to get to the school district's preschool office. We are still trying to decide where to enroll Maddie this fall, we have several options. She is so excited to go to "the little school that you can't fit in." That's what she tells me about preschool.

Learning responsibility

Tonight as I was getting home from work, Maddie was helping herself to some leftover rice in the fridge. She is very independent and usually does things fairly well. Unfortunately, the lid popped open and some rice spilled on the floor. It was maybe a tablespoon of rice, but it did make a mess. Maddie apologized immediately. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do it. It's okay, we can clean it up, but it was my fault." WOW! I then offered to help her clean it up. She asked "Where's the sweeper?" so I pulled out the dustpan and handheld broom and decided to give it to her and see what happened. She knelt down and swept up the mess, it took about 30 seconds. When she couldn't get the last piece of rice up with the broom, she picked it up with her finger and put it in the dust pan. She then took the dustpan carefully to the garbage can and emptied the contents. She of course got a big positive reaction from Aaron and I.

I was so proud watching her take responsibility like that. This sweet child of mine wants so badly to do what is right and she wants to please us. I am so blessed!

I also have learned a little more responsibility myself, I suppose. I am currently on round 3 of human physiology. My first exam of the semester was last night. I studied hard, not as much as I could have, but much more than I have in previous semesters. I tried some new techniques and reviewed things a hundred times. Tonight we got the multiple choice section of the test back (90% of the test). I scored 80% and I was so thrilled! She will return the essay portion a week from tonight, but my score will only go up from here. This gives me a healthy position for the remainder of the semester. They say third times the charm...I'm feeling pretty optimistic about that at this point!

If you can stand it

Or not, what do I care, this is my blog! :)

Another cute thing Maddie said that melted my heart! Sunday night as we were leaving my parent's house Maddie wanted me to pick her up. She gave me a big hug and said "I love you. You're the best mommy ever!" Awww. Too sweet! My mom said to make sure I went home and wrote that one down - to remind her of it 10 years from now. Sadly, I know that's true. I remember the days of absolute animosity towards my mom. Hard to imagine my sweet girl will some day possibly turn into a bitter teenager...oh, the things to look forward to! I'll just make sure to treasure these sweet memories that much more!

Last night Maddie had a really hard time settling down for the night, so I went in to her bed to sleep with her. She said just before she fell asleep "you're special." Where does she get this stuff? Maybe she knows she'll get further with us if she is extra sweet and complimentary...

Maddie's 2nd birthday

Maddie's 2nd birthday
Originally uploaded by daisybee78.

Cherished Moments

My little girl is full of personality. I love that about her, she has so much excitement and enthusiasm bundled up in her little body. I am constantly amused by the things she does and says. She is such a cute kid - not only on the outside, but she's sweet, loving, perceptive - all the things that make her that much more adorable on the inside.

With the busy schedule that we have, I try to maximize the time we have together. Some of my most cherished moments are the ones we spend in the car. I leave the radio off and let her talk. Yesterday, while we were driving to her great-grandma's house, I said "I love you" and made a kissy face in the rear view mirror. Maddie responded by acting like she was trying to get out of her carseat with all her might and said "I can't reach your kiss, mommy!"

This morning I brought her into our bed for some cuddle time with Aaron and I. Aaron was trying to get her to share with him what we bought him for Father's Day. I was sure that she would spill the beans. She is just 2, of course! Instead, Maddie was more interested in telling him what we bought for her (a little goodie bag of hair clips and jewelry) and the gift we bought for her grandpa. When he pushed for information on his gift, she said "Father's Day is tomorrow!" and wouldn't say another word about it. Very impressive.

When I took her to Granite High so that her Grandma Pam could watch her for the day, she said "Please hold my hand in the parking lot so the cars don't step on me." I obliged, of course, and said "You're such a good girl, Maddie!" and she replied "You are a good mommy!" As I look at the little person she has become, I am happy to take some credit. But, as I have said before, she has so many people in her life that love her, and I'm grateful that she's picked up some positive attributes from all of them. I can't take all the credit!

There just aren't enough hours...

I would like to think that I'd be accustomed to this by now! Summer semester started last week and it's keeping me busy. I'm taking physiology again. This is the third time. The good news? We've had 3 lectures and I feel like I know exactly what my professor is talking about. I've been much more diligent about reading in preparation for my lecture, then going home and reviewing everything again.

My days are full. I work from 9 until 6, but have arranged to have a mid-day lab on Tuesdays and Thursdays from noon until 3. My lecture is Monday, Tuesday and Thursday night from 7 until 8:40. I feel horrible for making Maddie sacrifice the time she has had with me, but it's for a very short time.

I feel like we are finally close to our first goal - Aaron will graduate in December. The last three years have been very challenging! I am proud of us for making the commitment to get through it though. I look at Maddie and see a happy, flexible, well-adjusted child. She has so many people to love and cherish, and they have been so willing to help us through this.

I haven't updated this as often as I would like, but will try to steal a few minutes here and there to write more often.

I realized something this week.

As we get older and our circle of friendship and family expands, we are blessed to have more people to love and enjoy. I am thankful for that. I have also realized that as I've gotten older and more of life's experiences - opportunities, trials, gifts, and tragedies - have been presented to me, there are so many more people in my life that I worry about, pray for, and have reason to rejoice and celebrate for. That includes the unfortunate opportunity to mourn and weep with them too. While overall Lora's birth is a very happy, celebrated occassion, there were a few tense moments when Jodi's health was a huge concern for everyone today.

I became an aunt yesterday. "Baby Lora," as we've been calling her for months, was born via c-section Wednseday morning at about 7:00. 8 pounds, 2 ounces and 20 inches long. She's perfectly healthy and happy to be here. Shortly after my sister-in-law was settled in her room, she went unconscious. Fortunately, my brother-in-law went to check on her before he left to give his daughter her first bath. Jodi had a reaction to the morphine she was given and stopped breathing for a short period of time. Adam and her nurse were unable to wake her, and a code blue was called. Jodi said when she woke up there were about 15 people standing around her bed working on her. The affects of the morphine were counteracted with narcan, and she's going to be fine. It is really too bad that the happy events of the day were overshadowed by so much stress. I hope today was less eventful and that they were able to enjoy getting to know their new little girl. It is such an amazing blessing to have a child, and I'm so happy for them.

We went to the hospital last night to meet Lora. Maddie has been anxiously waiting for this baby since she heard about her. She has watched Jodi's belly grow wondering why she couldn't actually see the baby growing inside her. It's been quite amusing. It was love at first sight last night. Maddie was so gentle and sweet, lightly touching her and watching her facial expressions. She said at one point "Mom, baby Lora is smiling at me!"

Mother's Day 2005

A question was asked on my message board yesterday: "What's the best present you've ever received on Mother's Day?" I thought that I have loved every Mother's Day since I've been blessed with motherhood - I truly feel it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember the Mother's Day from 2002, just a little over 3 months before Maddie was born. The anticipation and excitement surrounding this little life that I was nourishing and protecting until she was ready to come into the world, the awesome responsibility that was about to fall on our shoulders. I was so excited at the opportunity that awaited us. I know many people have found motherhood through a lot more heartache, tears and struggles - whether it be years of fertility treatment that finally ended with a successful pregnancy or whether you were able to have your child placed with you through the miracle of adoption. I think that we all have similar emotions when we finally know that our children are coming soon.

I remember the Mother's Day from 2003, Maddie was about 9 months old. Her percocious personality was already shining brightly and I cherished every moment I had with her and every new milestone. She had already brought us so much joy and laughter and peace to our home. We were blessed with such a sweet and happy spirit. She had come to our family just when she was supposed to, I don't doubt that at all. Aaron was still substitute teaching and finishing up his nursing school pre-req's. Money was much tighter than we were accustomed to and things were pretty stressful, but we had our own little family that meant more than anything to us, we were also working towards a brighter future for all of us.

Then there was Mother's Day last year. Maddie made me a card and presented it to me with so much excitement - it was so sweet! She was able to talk in short sentences and communicated her feelings so well. She had learned some songs from her favorite movies and rides at Disneyland. She had such an enthusiasm for life, thrived on learning and seeing new things, and enjoyed making everyone around her laugh. This little person had certainly made a place for herself in the lives of many. She had brought joy and a reason for living to my MIL during her fight against cancer and another immuno-suppresant illness.

Today I was woken up by Maddie knocking on her door saying "Mommy, Mom?, Mommy!" and it is the best word in the world. She wants me in the morning, she always has. She came into bed and cuddled with me and said "You're my best friend and my nice Mommy, aren't you?" She is always concerned about the emotions of everyone around her. She seems to have an appreciation for everything in her life and is filled with gratitude. The "terrible two" moments are few and far between, and we are already developing a relationship that I hope I will continue through our lifetime together as mother and daughter. I love her so much and I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing Aaron and I with her. I am also grateful, beyond words, for my husband and the way he has enjoyed being a daddy. He created a bond with her while I was pregnant, and has such a great attitude about being a dad. I love him more for it.

As I am celebrating my 4th Mother's Day and my 7th wedding anniversary today, I look at the occasions that this day celebrates. My life has changed so much because of both, and for that I am extremely thankful.

It's almost over

The semester is rearing it's ugly head this week with finals. I feel like school has been out for 2 weeks though...and that's a problem! :) I have a chemistry final tomorrow morning and then I'm done. Aaron took one today and has one tomorrow and Wednesday. That guy needs a break in the worst way! We are so relieved to be 3/4 of the way done with nursing school for him.

I did kidnap him and take him to Vegas for the weekend on the 23rd. It was a big hit, and he had no idea what was coming. I was loading up the car when he came home from work. He was a little (okay, a lot) surprised to see me up and ready so early on a Saturday morning. I told him to put some comfy clothes on and get in the car. He said "I have a lot of homework to do and I want to go to bed!" and I told him he could sleep in the car. Aren't I nice? We dropped Maddie off at my parent's house and were on the road headed south around 9:00 a.m. He slept all the way to Cedar City and woke up confused about where we were, because everything said Providence. I finally told him we were going to Las Vegas to see a show, and he guessed after a few tries that we were going to see Kevin James. We found Rancho Serene (corporate suite) around 3:30 that afternoon and took a nap for a bit. We went to dinner at the Aladdin and had excellent food. We were able to walk around the shops there for a bit and then we headed over to the Mirage for the show. We had a great time. I think Aaron appreciated the surprise and we really enjoyed each other's company. Sunday morning we had breakfast at the Golden Nugget and then headed home around 1:30 in the afternoon.

Auntie Barbara was in town last week for women's conference. I took Thursday off to go with Mom, Amy and Aunt B. I always enjoy it, but it seemed a little dull this year. I suppose that's because I'm a little off track and need to make some spiritual changes. Of course, my mom complained of it too, and I consider her on a much higher spiritual plane than myself, but I do know that I'm not where I should be. I just feel like everything is a little overwhelming right now and I am not doing anything as well as I should be. Hopefully the break will help me re-focus and make some new goals and habits.

I was able to go to Las Vegas again this past weekend with a bunch of friends. I find myself truly blessed to have met and formed friendships with these "internet" women. We had a riot, and found ourselves in some extremely interesting situations. Only in Vegas! :)

I have missed Maddie terribly with all of my traveling and I'm excited to have some down time with her over the next month before school starts up again. This morning I had told her that she could take some chocolate M's to Grandma Nina's. When we were in the car she was searching through her diaper bag and said "Mom, we forgot my chocolate M's!" and she was quite upset. I told her we could have them tonight when we got home, and she started crying. I then promised I would stop by Grandma's on my lunch break to bring her some. I followed through, even though I'm sure that by the end of the day I could have gotten away with not doing it, I believe it is better to follow through with promises! When I stopped by on my lunch break she was taking a nap, so I wrote a note and left the candy on the countertop. Grandma has to rock her to sleep and is always stuck there during the nap, so I couldn't explain to her what I was doing there. Hopefully Maddie was happy when she woke up.