Ignorance is bliss

Something I've noticed the last little while is that the twins prefer not to acknowledge that their "other half" is in existence. There are moments throughout the day where they look at each other and smile or play together quietly. However, most often they pretend the other one isn't around. They compete for my attention, they don't like to me to hold both of them at the same time, and they always want what the other one has - no matter what it is or if they had been ignoring that particular item all day. Because of this, I do love the moments when they take the time to enjoy each other. We were at church last week and they were both playing on the floor. Brie shrieked at Cami and smiled, Cami replied with a shriek and a smile. This went on for a minute or two, it was really cute. They do occassionally give each other kisses and pats. Now that they are crawling we often have a baby parade down the hallway - they like to explore together. They are protective of each other when other people intrude in their space. It is so fun to watch their relationship develop.

Maddie on caffeine

I took Maddie out for a couple hours yesterday. We went to get a leotard with a skirt attached. That is why she wanted to take dance, afterall, so that she could have a ballerina dress. I also took her to lunch. She picked Panda Express, specifically the orange chicken and fried rice plate. She knew this was what she was going to have before we left the house. Aaron wasn't feeling well and had spent most of the morning in bed trying to get rid of a horrible cold that's hanging out in our house.

We ordered lunch and she asked for rootbeer. When I got to the table with our drinks, we had the following conversation.

Maddie: "What did you get to drink?"
Me: "Diet Coke"
Maddie: "I can't have Coke."
Me: "No, do you know why you can't have Coke?"
Maddie: "No."

I went on to explain how Coke has caffeine in it and it makes little girls act crazy (and we don't need more crazy around here!). I told her adults like to drink it because it helps us wake up. I justified my Coke habits by telling her that I drink it to help me have energy to play all day.

Me: "Would I be a fun mom if I just stayed in bed all day?"
Maddie: "No!"

It was quiet for a minute and she said "Daddy should drink Coke."

Touché!

Sisters

I had to take the babies to the pediatrician for a sick visit yesterday afternoon. They were sitting side-by-side in their stroller. I took Brie out first for the doctor to check her over and Cami was okay until she saw the doctor use the otoscope to look in Brie's ears and mouth. She flipped out. She kept screaming at the doctor. Brie was unphased by what was going on, but Cami must have thought he was dong something to hurt her. She was very protective of her. When I buckled Brie back into the stroller Cami reached over and patted Brie's hand. It was so cute. Isn't it sweet how that bond is so strong already?

Eight months!

The girls are now 8 months and one day old. Incredible. They are doing so well. They're both scooting all over the place and pulling themselves up to a sitting position. They're quite proud of themselves! They are really starting to interract with each other and had several people laughing at church on Sunday because they were giving each other slobbery kisses all during Sunday School. Brie's first tooth broke through yesterday and she was one unhappy little girl. It was so out of character for her, she kept setting Cami off. It left me feeling overwhelmed and outnumbered! I'm sure that won't be the last time!!! She's back to her content happy self today so she must be feeling better.

Maddie is loving her dance class. She does very well, she enjoys it all but seems partial to the tumbling part of it. She's at least a head taller than every girl in her class, but I'm almost certain she's almost a year older than all of them too. She can move up to the next class in August when she turns 5. She loves preschool and she's so excited about Kindergarten this fall. Registration is just over a month away, I can't believe that we're almost there! She's just growing up too fast. I love spending time with her, she's a fun and spunky little girl and she adds so much light to my life.

Aaron's work schedule has changed a little bit and he's back to rotating weekends. He's really enjoyed having them off. We'll adjust to the new schedule, it just takes some time.

My back seems to be getting better. I'd say it's at about 75%. There are still days where I have a constant dull ache, but there are many days where it doesn't bother me except when I move the wrong way - and the pain usually disappears quickly.

I spent the afternoon having a long lunch with my friend Stacie and I haven't done any housework yet today...I better get going! I have more pictures to upload and I might get to that tonight.

Cami's scooting!

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Brie Giggles

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Cami Giggles

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100 things that make me happy

Every holiday season my mom challenges us to do something the following year. Thanksgiving 2005 she challenged us to make a list of 100 things that make us happy. It wasn't always on the top of my list of things to do, so it's somewhat sporadic. I thought I'd share it here.

Aaron
Maddie
Cami
Brie
Mom
Dad
Brandon
Chelsey
My marriage
Summer thunder storms
Peanut butter m&ms
Popcorn at the movies
Maddie saying "good morning"so happily when she wakes up
Baby smiles
Date nights
Quiet
Giggles
A good deal
Kisses from my girls
Ordering plzza
A clean house
Spring rain
Watching movies in bed
Gummy grins
Naps
Lazy days
Getting over strep
Bringing cami & brie home from the hospital
Snuggling with my girls
Maddie telling me i'm her bestfriend
Being home with my kids
Seeing maddie accomplish something and being proud of herself
Finding money in unexpected places
New tv season - no more reruns!
Good music
Supportive family
Lunch with girlfriends
Seeing other people happy
Central air
Finishing a big project
Conference Sunday
Dinner in the crockpot
Wireless internet
Tivo
Hearing Maddie sing
My ipod
Hearing from a friend
A new haircut and highlights
Late night chats with aaron
Seeing Amy happy
Making new friends
Watching the babies learn new tricks
New shoes
Being able to make other people smile
Parties with friends
Knowing someone has been thinking about me
Yummy smelling candles
Making a good meal
Grandpa
Living the gospel
Getting into bed at night
A new day
Finding a cute outfit
Sandal weather
Not having to cook dinner
Aaron passing the NCLEX
Seeing two baby girls at my ultrasound
Watching Maddie play with her sisters
Seeing the babies adore Maddie
Feeling appreciated
Hearing thank you
Spending time with extended family
Beautiful scenery
Chocolate
Going to the movies
Dinner out
Learning something new
New pillows
Being able to help someone
Seeing Maddie so excited about Christmas
IM'ing friends who live far away
Memories
The quiet snow brings
Spring mornings
Holiday parties
Michael Buble concert
Hot chocolate on a cold night
Famous Dave's bread pudding
Laughing with family and friends
Me time
My relationship with my sister
Losing all the weight I gained with my pregnancy
The twins growing off the charts
Electric blankets
Finding my inner strength
Spending time with my parents
Vacations
Finishing my pre-req's for nursing school
Getting all three girls to sleep at the same time
Oreo shakes
Long scenic drives

Goals

It's a new year so it's that time again. I actually have some things that I've been working on a little bit, but I need to hold myself accountable for them, so I decided to write them here.

1. My health. This includes diet, exercise, and emotional/mental. I started Weight Watchers on Tuesday. I've done it before and I like the program. It's going well so far. My ultimate goal is to lose between 61 and 66 pounds. I also need to get an exercise routine down. My neurologist has recommended water aerobics, I have an appt. to check out Golds Gym on Friday. Emotionally and mentally I am doing fine but I need to work on taking time for myself and finding ways to challenge my brain. I will most likely review my physiology and anatomy textbooks periodically since I'm on hold for the nursing program.

2. My family. I need to find ways to keep Maddie entertained and happy without relying so much on the television. This is easier when the weather is good...hurry up spring! I'm still feeling like a newby at being home full-time so I am constantly finding things that are working (and aren't) for us.

3. My marriage. It's not bad, just an ongoing project. That won't change, but there are some areas I know I can personally improve so I'll be working at them.

4. My faith. So many areas here to work on!

5. My house. I have set up a loose schedule for household chores. My biggest thing is keeping on top of the dishes and laundry. Those two things left undone for a day can cause a huge mess which seems to have a domino affect on the rest of the house.

I think that's it. LOL.

Getting the hang of this

Preschool started up again on today. Life is back on schedule after the holidays. I sent Aaron off to work and took Maddie to school, put the babies down for a nap when we got home. The house was quiet and I had time to do the stuff on my list. I have found it most helpful to make a list of the things that I want/need to get done the night before. I got out of the habit of doing it and I've been a big slacker lately. I guess that's mostly because of my back pain but I need to just deal with it and make myself get up and do things.

I got everything done on my list by 5:00, and it was a long list! My mom came over at 6:00 so that I could run to the store sans kids. That saved me so much time. It was a 10 minute errand (roundtrip) by myself, it would have been at least 30 minutes with the kids in tow. When I got back I fed the babies and then sat down for dinner with Maddie. All the kids were in bed by 8:00. How nice it is to have the laundry folded and put away before 10:00 at night!

Maddie started dance Monday. She has wanted to "ballet" for months. We promised her she could start once we moved, but everyone was getting ready for holiday performances when that happened. She was so excited to be there yesterday, she had a grin from ear to ear. It's an intro to ballet, jazz and tumbling for 3 and 4 year-olds. She spent most of the hour running laps around the girls who were practicing their leaps and skips, but she was sure ready to go to bed last night! It will be fun to see how this goes. As long as she enjoys it, it's a good thing.

The latest

It's just pain. It really is. I can deal with this. Lots of people do. My dad is the first person to come to mind. He has struggled with back problems since his early 20's. He is so upset that his bad back genes have been passed on to me. Dad, it's not your fault! I love you!

I found out last week that I have degenerative disc disease. The good news is that now that I know, there are things I can do to prevent future flare-ups. It doesn't do me any good right now. I'm currently on a prednisone pack, the doctor told me that it is effective in approximately 50% of his patients. If this doesn't work we will try the injections. If that doesn't work then I'll have to consider surgery. I am really hoping that the pills or the injections will take care of the problem. I'm on day 4 of the pills and haven't noticed a change, so we'll see how it goes. I have a follow-up on the 17th.

A New Year

I know it's just a difference between 11:59 p.m. and Midnight on one day, but it's so significant. 2006 was such a rollercoaster for me and my family. Full of life-changing events, mostly for the better. Many of my previous posts have already talked about this, so I'm not going to go into it again. I will say that I feel like I have grown a lot, learned a little about myself and done my best to support my husband and my daughters in the challenges we have faced. I think we are all stronger because of it.

There are random moments throughout the week that I look at my girls and think "WOW!" So much of my day is filled with the same diaper changing, feeding, soothing, cuddling, entertaining...it is easy to let the big picture fade a little. Tonight I was watching Cami and Brie roll around on the floor and had one of those moments. They were smiling at me and playing with each other and I realized how quickly they are turning into little people. They are so much fun (and so much work!) and we are loving it.

I had all the kids in bed for about 45 minutes until Cami decided she needed some one-on-one time with me. She is a horrible sleeper. I am fairly confident that if Cami would sleep all night Brie would follow suit - she usually wakes up only after Cami has. I am clueless about how to fix this. I own The Happiest Baby on the Block and I used a moderated Ferber technique to get Maddie to sleep when she was an infant. First problem is I can't find the book, and if I do find it, when would I read it? The other problem is that all three girls are sharing a room. Kind of hard to Ferberize without waking up the other two. I am sure I am setting the twins up for horrible sleeping habits and I am trying so hard to prevent that! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Oops, I got side-tracked. Cami was playing on the floor while I was working on a new menu and grocery list. She kept looking at herself in the mirror and she thought it was the funniest thing. She laughed and laughed. So cute!

For some reason it is really easy to get giggles out of Cami and Brie when they're in their highchairs after they've eaten some yummy (?) baby food. I'll get them started and Maddie will come running in from the living room to take over. She loves to make them laugh. Tonight Maddie offered to feed Cami for me while I put dinner together and I took her up on it. That was a mess! I should have taken pictures. Eventually she managed to get most of the food in Cami's mouth. She was so proud of herself. She loves being the big sister and she really shines when she's doing things to help them (and me) out. It's great!

Take a look!

I opened a dropshots account and hope to update pictures fairly regularly. Check it out here! I am LOVING my new camera. :)

The day after - an update on a few things

I'd post pictures of our Christmas, but our house is a gift disaster right now. The amount of empty boxes and garbage bags full of wrapping paper is unreal. We'll have to make a trip to the dump...literally. That was the nice thing about living in an apartment, having a dumpster that was emptied several times a week. We're hosting the New Year's Eve party this year so I guess I better get busy!

Now that Christmas is over I can focus on some things that haven't had top priority on my blog. I had an MRI last Thursday and the results came back on Friday. I have three herniated discs; L4, L5 and S1. Not good. I called today to schedule an appointment with a specialist and I'm a little disenchanted with the whole thing. I don't want surgery until every other possible conservative treatment is tried. The lady who took my call was telling me surgery would be necessary (who was she, anyways...a receptionist? Give me a break!). I know that she has probably been instructed to say some things, but she does not have a med school background, or I don't think she would be answering the phone to schedule my appointment. The place I called came highly recommended, too. I just feel a little lost about the whole thing. I have an appointment there next Tuesday. I am also calling two other places tomorrow, it is something worth getting a few different opinions on. I want things fixed, but surgery just seems next to impossible. Recovering while taking care of my girls would just be a nightmare, I am sure!

I received some awesome Christmas gifts! I think some of my friends and family must be reading my blog. Thanks Mom and Chels for the awesome package at the spa. I also got a gift certificate to the same spa from Aaron and my brother-in-law. Yay...some alone time - with pampering included! Aaron got me a new digital camera with lots of fun features that I have no idea how to use. I'll figure it out. I also got an external hard drive for all of our media files, Adobe Photoshop Elements 5, a few gift certificates to the movie theatre and local restaurants we like. Aaron had to work yesterday and my mom offered to watch the babies while I took Maddie home for a nap. That was great! We slept for 2 1/2 hours. Maddie needed it as much as I did. The babies actually slept through the night last night, too. Merry Christmas to me! :)

I am meeting up with some friends for lunch tomorrow, I'm looking forward to that. I also have a friend from high school who is in town (from Iowa) for the holidays, we're getting together later this week. We had breakfast with a bunch of our friends this morning. It's a somewhat unique group of friends - most of us grew up in the same neighborhood together. We have a lot of childhood memories in common and know many of the same people. It's really fun. They are like family to us and we love them so much! I love that this time of year allows so many opportunities to spend time with the special people in our lives.

Merry Christmas!

It was a great day - weekend, actually. I am so grateful for what we have been blessed with - amazing family and friends. It' s been nice to spend time with so many of them the last little bit.

Maddie has been so excited about Santa Claus this year, it's been a lot of fun. She was thrilled this morning! The babies had a lot of fun with the boxes and wrapping paper, they were even amused by some of the toys they received.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day!

Our Christmas Tradition

Each Christmas, starting with our first, we have purchased a Christmas book. We use the books as a sort of advent, this year is our our 9th Christmas since we were married and so we have 9 nights of books to read. Some are traditional Christmas stories like The Polar Express and The Night Before Christmas. Others are more religious in nature like When Jesus Was Born In Bethlehem and my favorite, The Last Straw.

Tonight Maddie chose The Last Straw as her bedtime story. I just love this book. I can't read it without getting emotional. I would love to be able to give this book to everyone who has made my journey a little easier this year. Since that is not possible, please take a minute to read this book if you ever come across it. I'm sure it will become a favorite for you, too!

The children were nestled all snug in their bed

This sentence baffles me as a new mom to more than one child, multiples even. When is it, exactly, that all three children will be nestled at the same time? The girls all share a room. This is problem number one. All of the tricks I tried with Maddie won't work with Cami and Brie because they will wake each other up. It's just a rough situation. When I ask other moms with twins, I have found very little comfort. "Mine were sleeping through the night around 15 mos." Oh, and then there's the lucky ones that had twins who slept through the night by the time they were 12 weeks old. What's the most frustrating is the fact that I know my girls can do it because they have. They just choose not to.

Right now, it's 10:25 p.m. Maddie went to bed at 8:00 and has actually stayed there tonight. Brie and Cami went down at 8:30, but Cami woke up at 9:45. I am watching her roll around on the living room floor as we speak. If I were to put her in her crib she would laugh at me. Literally -- it's happened before!

The good news is that I got a nap yesterday, even after getting a solid block of sleep on Saturday night. The babies slept from 10:30 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. and I went to bed at 11 that night. Sunday afternoon I told Aaron he was on baby duty and I was getting a nap. Maddie even took one with me. We slept for about 2 1/2 hours. It was great! Someone is looking out for my sanity. It was back to the every 3 hours on Sunday night. Of course!

I can't bribe the babies with the "nice or naughty list" like I can Maddie. There is hope though, it works for 4 year olds. I only have 3 years and 5 months to go. Who am I kidding?

Monster Maddie

My sweet girl has been possessed by a monster. We call her Monster Maddie. It started a couple of months ago, she had more nasty moments than pleasant ones for quite a while. I was at a loss. She is very aware that Monster Mommy is forced to come out of hiding when Monster Maddie is around. I don't know what happened, but about 3 weeks ago Monster Maddie started coming around less, and my happy sweet girl returned. To quote her: "Amn't I such a good girl?" (and yes, I've tried to teach her the correct grammar for that sentence and she just won't correct it). It's been such a relief! Sunday night, however, Monster Maddie returned with a vengence. She was sent to bed. Monster Maddie woke up Monday morning and stuck around most of the day. She had a royal fit on Monday night unlike anything I have ever seen. Wow. Tuesday was a little bit better. I could tell Monster Maddie was getting restless. This morning Maddie got up, cooperated and she didn't talk back. It was so nice! We make a HUGE deal about the positive behavior, of course! Tonight I told her it was so nice to see her being kind and sweet and happy. She said "I used my super powers to make Monster Maddie go away."

Whatever works!

My Grown Up Christmas List

This is all incredibly simple...yet seemingly unattainable! I just looked at it again, it's all free!

• A good solid night of sleep. Preferrably starting around 10:30 p.m. and ending...whenever I wake up!
• A nap that lasts for more than 10 minutes.
• A date night with my husband.
• All of the laundry done: washed, folded, put away!
• The kitchen: floor swept and mopped, dishes done, fridge cleaned out, everything in it's place.
• A nap.
• A day to myself to do whatever I please.
• A night out with some girlfriends.
• A nap.

I think that's about it. I really would take any one of the things listed above. I'm not terribly picky, and my priorities are right...I'm one sleep-deprived mommy!

Christmas time is here!

Saturday night I went to the Glenn Beck Christmas Show with my mom. It was one of the most incredible programs I have ever seen. He related several personal stories to different things associated with Christmas: family, shopping, gifts, snow, peace, etc. There was a lot of humor, a lot of reminiscing and some tears. I actually cried through a lot of the second half of the program.

He told a very touching story about the last Christmas before his mom committed suicide. He said that he was a stupid 12 year old kid and didn't know how poor his family was or how much they were struggling. He recalled going to the tree and finding one gift, it was a sweater. He said his mom kept asking him things like "Do you like it?" and "Does it fit?" He remembered her holding it up to him to see how it would fit, and could almost feel her hands on his shoulders. Two months after Christmas he was in his room and his mom came in to talk to me. She saw the sweater lying on the floor and said "Is that the sweater I gave you for Christmas?" It was then that he kind of realized what a gift that was. She searched for the most perfect gift she could give him with the last $20 she had.

He said that his mom never understood something, that we have the opportunity to find peace and ultimately, redemption. He used that as a way to lead into the true meaning of Christmas. It's not the birth of Christ, it's the gift that He has given us as our Savior and Redeemer. He talked about what it will be like to meet the Savior and how we will be accountable for what we have done with His gift. He mentioned the sweater again. He said that our lives are Christ's gift to us (and I'm paraphrasing this); "This was my gift to you, and what have you done with it?" He had so much emotion and passion in the message he was giving, it was very powerful. It really touched me and has given me some things to think about the last several days. The line that stuck with me the most was "Become the person you were meant to be and stop being the person you've allowed yourself to become."

Wow. It really was a great way to remind me of what the Christmas season is about, and I have thought so much about it the last few days. I also appreciated his willingness to share his story about his conversion to the LDS church. It was really neat to hear.

My Festival of Trees Experience

It's that time of year again. We got off to a great start with a visit to the Festival of Trees on Saturday. However, I wasn't prepared for getting hit with all of the emotions I've had this year. Each year we go I am reminded of several friends and loved ones that have passed away, but this year I had a few extra experiences to be mindful of.

One of the first trees we walked by was done to thank the NICU at Primary Children's Medical Center for the care they'd given an infant that was premature and is doing great. My heart was so thankful for the health of our twins, and I was reminded of the fabulous care we all received at PCMC. A few trees later was a tree that was done in memory of a premature infant that hadn't made it. My heart ached for that family and the families of the infants that struggle and fight to survive but don't pull through. I was also reminded of my friend who lost her daughter earlier this year, the baby had ancephaly. I just couldn't keep my composure.

A couple of rows down was a tree titled "Grandma's Angels." It was done in memory of an older woman who had passed away this year. My thoughts turned to my mother-in-law, she would just be thrilled to be here with her granddaughters. I am missing her so much right now.

The last tree that really triggered my emotions was dedicated to the staff and volunteers at PCMC. There was a television with a slide presentation set to the song "Angels Among Us." It had several pictures of the staff with words of appreciation that scrolled by. Our experience at Primary's was a positive one. I knew that our girls were going to be fine, they just needed a little jumpstart. I never had to worry about what the outcome would be. Everyone we dealt with was amazing! We had some extraordinary circumstances going on because Pam was so ill while our girls were there, and everyone was so incredibly supportive. It really was exceptional care.

I am so thankful for the knowledge of eternal families, and knowing that this life isn't the all there is. I am also thankful that while we will always miss those who have died before us, that the pain lessens over time.

I thought I would have free time!

I haven't found any yet!!! Life is still crazy, but it's great. I am so happy to be home with my girls. It's nice to be settled in one place instead of bouncing back and forth between the apartment and the house. I use the term "settled" loosely, the house is still not completely put together and we're in a little bit of chaos but we're working on it. I injured my back during the move and have not been able to move ahead at full speed like I want to. I finally got in to see my chiropractor today and I'm hopeful that I'll be on the mend soon.

Thanksgiving was our first big holiday without Pam. We started out with a visit to Aaron's grandma's house. The first thing everyone commented on was the absence of Pam's homemade rolls, they were replaced by Rhode's. We visited with the family for a bit and then headed to my grandparents' house. We didn't eat too much at either house because we ended the day with Aaron's brothers and sister-in-law at Mimi's Cafe. It was good to spend time with them, it's the first time we've all gotten together since July.

My heart was really full on Thanksgiving. I couldn't help but think of the major events this year. I was mostly focused on the babies, how fortunate we are to have them here and healthy. I also thought of the last several months of Pam's life and her passing. I have been missing her more lately and my heart aches for her sons' and granddaughters' grief. The other day Maddie asked me if we could buy a new Grandma Pam. She misses her so much. Her absence is noticed every day. I don't know where she picked it up but Maddie doesn't end a prayer without saying "Please help heal our hearts as we are missing Grandma Pam." Aaron is starting to really feel the loss of his mom and it is hard. The holidays really bring the emotions to the surface. I hope that they are healing in some ways.

Here's some pictures of my girls!

The girls on Thanksgiving day (from left to right: Cami, Maddie, Brie)


Brie and Cami, they lock arms or hold hands every time they're next to each other. It's so sweet!


Maddie and Aaron on their way to the Daddy-Daughter Princess Ball


Maddie helping me out while we were staying in Park City at the end of October

Stealing a minute

The last few weeks have been so busy! We were in a race to get the house cleared out, patched up and painted in time for the new carpet to be installed. We spent countless hours there, some of them more productive than others (blame this on my sweet baby girls that STILL aren't sleeping through the night). We made it though. New baseboards (thanks, Dad!), freshly painted walls, and new carpet throughout the house. My grandpa also did some minor demolition and restructure in the bathrooms, something I hadn't expected to happen until after we moved in. I'm so happy it was done before! The carpet was installed on Monday and Tuesday of this week. I am now frantically trying to pack up our apartment. Not an easy task with the girls around. I hadn't made great progress until today. I called my mom this morning and she was able to get away from work for the day. She spent a little over 5 hours here keeping the kids happy while I packed. I got through the pantry and the kitchen. We took a load out to the house and my sister came home with me so that I could get more done while she took care of the girls. I got through our computer desk and my walk-in closet. Tomorrow I'm taking Maddie to her great-grandma's house so that I can pack up her room and closet. It will be easier and less of a mess if I do it when she's not here.

That's about all that is going on at the moment. Soon we will be done with the house consuming our lives and we'll have other things to talk about.

Cami and Brie have started giggling. It's the cutest thing! One of the greatest joys in life comes from walking in to your baby's line of sight and getting the biggest grin - like nothing will ever make them happier than seeing you. I love it! They also chatter all day long, they love to hear themselves talk. Maddie sings and dances for them to get them to laugh, I'm not supposed to know that though!

Maddie is so much fun. She's a big help and great company most of the time. She's learning so much, too. She's been able to write her name for months and she's working on several other letters of the alphabet. She can recognize letters and is close to recognizing familiar words. I'm very proud of her!

The five of us all have a miserable fall cold. There should be a law against that. If everyone is going to be sick, moms should be immune. I am hoping it goes away quickly, we are headed up to Park City on Sunday for a few days away. It would be nice to have everyone healthy!

Still busy, what is normal?

Honestly, I keep wondering when life will get back to normal, but I still don't know what that is! The last several months have been filled with extraordinary events that won't happen all the time - thank heavens! Because all of this happened right when the twins were born, it will be interesting to see how we adjust to our new normal once we're done taking care of the current major project. We have spent the last 3 1/2 months going through all of MIL's belongings, sorting, tossing, donating, etc. We have finally finished that task and are now working on patching, painting, pulling carpet, and getting ready to move in. We have given notice for November 1st so I guess this will be happening soon. We have 9 days before the new carpet is going to be installed, there is still a good amount of work to be done in order to be ready for that, but we can do it. Mostly because my parents have been very helpful in making sure we get this done. I'm fairly certain that is because they are worried I will fall apart at any moment. This might be true, but I am too busy and sleep deprived to notice! The basement, where my BIL will be living, is finished, the new carpet is in and his room is painted. The carpet looks awesome! I'm very happy with what we selected. I can't wait to see what the rest of the house looks like when it's done.

Now for an update on my girls. They are all so wonderful! Maddie is so delightful, we really have fun together. Preschool has helped her define something of her own, which has directly affected her temper, she is doing so well! Cami and Brie are doing great. They had their 4 month check-up 2 weeks ago and they're growing beyond expectations. Their growth is right in line with where 4 month olds should be, without taking into account their prematurity. They are full of grins and starting to giggle, and occassionally they will see each other and coo and grin for several minutes. The little stinkers aren't sleeping very well at night, but I might be partly to blame for that. We are so busy during the day that I don't monitor their naps very well, and they are still sleeping quite a bit throughout the day. The pediatrician told me to keep their naps to 2 or 2 1/2 hours at a time, so I've been working on that a little bit. I have to admit it's been nice to have them sleep so much during the day when we've been busy at the house. I do need to get them on a loose schedule to see if that will help. I would like to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time, preferrably before they're 2!

Thanks to everyone that visits my blog! Sorry I'm not around to update more often. That might change once we get settled next month. I'll be back soon.

A few new pictures of my girls

A hot computer, grandma in town and a house to fix up

I won't be around for awhile. Ha! Like I'm here much anyways. Life is just too busy!

We are having problems with our laptop, the charger won't stay plugged in to the back of the computer without it being positioned just so. When it does stay plugged in for a long period of time, the computer and the cord heat up really hot. I finally called Best Buy today to check on our warranty and we'll be taking the computer in tomorrow. I don't know how long it will be gone.

My grandma is flying in from Phoenix on Monday, she'll be here for 2 weeks. It will be great to have some time with her, she hasn't seen the babies yet and we haven't seen her since Thanksgiving last year.

We are in the process of cleaning up MIL's house and getting it ready for us to move in. What a project! I always knew it would be a big job but I really had no idea. We have found a few treasures in the midst of a lot of, well, junk really. We picked out carpet earlier this week and we're taking a check by the store tomorrow so that they will order the carpet. They're installing the downstairs bedroom first, where my brother-in-law will be living, so we are doing this in baby steps. We do have quite a bit of work to do so that the carpet can be installed when it gets in on the 27th. We stopped by the county sanitation department yesterday to reserve a dumpster so that we can get rid of everything without having to make multiple trips to the dump. That will be at the house the 12th-17th of October. Needless to say, we'll be at the house a lot!

Ever After

One of Maddie's favorite things to do is cuddle up with us for a movie night. Last Friday Aaron was at work and it was just the girls at home. We went through our movies together and she picked Ever After. We put on our jammies, popped some popcorn and got under the covers in my bed. At one point during the movie, I was holding Brie and Maddie had Cami in the crook of her arm. That moment for me was so precious, and it seemed to foreshadow the mommy/daughter nights that are in store for us. How lucky am I to have three beautiful daughters to share simple pleasures with?

Celebrating life

I have never written about my mother-in-law's health problems on my blog. I think it was out of respect for her privacy, and to avoid her seeing my thoughts and feelings about what was going on. I don't know that she ever visited my blog, but there was always the possibility.

My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dermatomyositis in 2002. It's a rare degenerative skin and muscle disease. In 2003, she found out she had breast cancer. The dermatomyositis had masked the disease, a mastectomy was not an option for her. The cancer was in her lymphnodes as well, but seemed to be slow progressing. She's endured several different treatments and a lot of physical pain and suffering the last several years. In November of last year, Pam was having difficulty breathing and was hospitalized at the Huntsman Cancer Institute the week of Thanksgiving. The cancer had spread to her lungs. She began more aggressive treatment right away.

On December 2nd, the day we found out we were expecting twins, we went to her house to share the news. Pam had a tendency to not take care of herself like she should and Aaron decided to take advantage of the opportunity to tell her to listen to her doctors so that she could be around for the twins. The cancer in her lungs miraculously cleared up within a couple of months. Her health was not good though and we watched as more and more problems and complications popped up. I often wondered if she would make it to see the babies. She was determined to be here for there birth. She fought a good fight!

Pam was hospitalized for several days at a time on four separate occassions in the month of May. She was home when the babies were born, but was having a very difficult time getting around. She was unable to drive herself, and the twins were in the NICU. My first visit with the girls was Thursday afternoon, May 25th. We arranged for Pam to come up to the hospital with her mom that same afternoon. Pam was able to see Cami and Brie for about half an hour before her fatigue caught up to her. She didn't get up to the NICU again before she was hospitalized on Tuesday, May 30th. I had been home from the hospital 2 days and the babies were in the middle of their stay at the NICU. Fortunately the hospital that Pam was at was just minutes from where the girls were. We found out on Wednesday, May 31st, that she only had a short time left. The cancer had spread to several organs and she wasn't going to be able to pull out of it this time. Our hearts were so heavy.

The following days were hectic, finding sitters for Maddie so that I could spend several hours with the girls at the NICU while Aaron spent time with his mom. Pam was heavily medicated to ease her pain but that left her incoherent and a little loopy at times. She was fighting so hard to have the opportunity to hold the twins. We tried to coordinate a visit to the NICU, both hospitals were willing to accomodate that but Pam's health just wasn't good enough for it to happen. Cami and Brie seemed to be well enough to be released from the hospital but there were a few hiccups. We were hoping they could be discharged so that we could take them to see Pam. It seems that everything that Pam had gone through treatment wise the last 5 months of her life was to allow her to be here to see the babies. It's amazing how much that determination allowed her to triumph. Cami was finally discharged on Monday, June 5th, the same day that Pam was taken to her mom's house for hospice care. What a bittersweet day that was. Because of all the things we had to do at the NICU to take Cami home, we decided to wait until Tuesday morning to take Cami to see Pam.

Tuesday morning we took Cami to see her. She seemed to be coherent and was thrilled beyond words to be able to finally hold her. She showered Cami with kisses and sweet "grandma" adorations. My heart aches as I think about that encounter. It's the last time that I remember being with Pam. I thought at that moment of all the things that she would miss and all of the things my girls would miss out on with their grandma being gone. I do have to say that it was an incredibly sweet, spiritual moment, seeing two lives so fragile together like that. The promise of what lies in store for my sweet baby and the quiet peace that I saw in Pam as she was finishing up a life well lived.

Brie was finally strong enough to come home on June 8th. Aaron got a phone call that morning that his mom's breathing pattern had changed and he should get to the house as soon as possible. He headed to his grandma's while I made arrangements for Maddie so that I could get up to the NICU to pick up Brie. We were hopeful that Pam would hold on long enough to hold Brie. My mom came with me to the hospital. As I was pulling into the parking lot I got the phone call from Aaron that his mom had passed away.

The next several days are a bit of a blur. We were not only adjusting to having the twins at home, we were making funeral arrangements, tracking down estate documents, and grieving. Nothing in my life had prepared me for how to deal with all of it. We are so very blessed to be surrounded with a huge support network of family and friends. It made everything a little easier to swallow. We put one foot in front of the other and did what had to be done. In many ways, almost three months later, we are still doing this. I suppose that's how you get through many of life's events. I just hope that when I look back at this time that I will remember more than just going through the motions.

I can't seem to find the time!

Life is busy and I'm getting nothing done! That's not completely true, I'm taking care of my girls, and it requires so much time! I'm trying not to let the messy house get to me, but it does. I do take the time to get the kitchen cleaned up every night, but the rest of the mess seems to accumulate so quickly! That's not what's important right now. If I have a few minutes where the babies don't need me, I try to spend them giving Maddie my full attention.

Maddie started preschool again on the 24th. I know this will help her - she's done really well with all of the big changes in our lives but she's struggling none the less. She really enjoys school and having time of her own. Apparently that's very important to her because she's not sharing anything about preschool with anyone. When I ask her what she did she says she knows but she doesn't want to tell me. Too funny.

Cami and Brie are doing so well! They are BIG!!! Both of them are over 12 pounds, possibly close to 13 at this point. They are full of gummy grins and they're trying hard to giggle. Cami seems to have a personality somewhat similar to Maddie. She's ready to go places and do things. She's not real patient (I know, what baby is?) in comparison to Brie. She does aim to please though, she's full of smiles and will interact with anyone who givers her some attention. Brie is mellow, content and peaceful. I often catching her staring at me with a smile on her face, she tries to get my attention with a sweet coo. They are such good babies. They don't fuss or cry unless they're hungry.

Going out is a bit of a challenge. I'm on my own 3 or 4 days of the week while Aaron works his 12 hour shifts. It's just not possible to save errands for the times when he is home, we usually end up leaving the house once a day. It is becoming increasingly difficult to haul the girls up and down the stairs in their carseats at the same time! I'm glad we'll be moving before they get too much bigger. No more counting 19 stairs each trip!

Grocery shopping is an adventure in and of itself. I put the babies in their stroller
and pull Maddie in a cart along side of me. It's almost funny how many sympathetic looks I get when we're out. As long as I can keep Maddie happy and the babies have full tummies, going out with them by myself isn't too bad. It's just become the new normal!

I'm still up with them several times a night. Because of Aaron's work schedule, I often don't go to bed until after 1 a.m. I could change this if I went to bed after the babies 9:00 (approx) feeding, but it would leave me with next to no "quiet time" without Maddie up and running about. Most nights I'm lucky and the girls wake up at about the same time. Other nights they're off just enough that it totally messes up my night. Last night I didn't get to sleep until almost 2, Cami woke up at 3, Brie woke up at 4, Cami woke up at 6 and Brie woke up at 7. I look like death warmed over today! Nights like that happen about once a week.

The biggest challenge so far has been breastfeeding. With as chaotic as the first several weeks with twins was, I became accustomed to pumping and giving the babies bottles. This was nice because I could get help with the kids when I needed it, I wasn't attached at the hip to them. Not to mention that nursing two very small babies at once was very difficult. I was determined to make it work and made myself nurse during the day and still gave bottles at night (while I pumped). I don't always get enough milk during a pumping session to give both babies a full 4 oz. bottle so I have been supplementing with formula a bit. Not the best, but for us it works. I look at it as the way that I'm making breastfeeding work for us. Overall I'm satisfied with how it's turned out. The babies are 3 months old and they are getting the majority of their nourishment from mom's milk. That's a big accomplishment for me!

I will try to update my blog more often. Thanks for reading!

Two months!

Cami and Brie are 2 months old today. I am writing this when I should be sleeping...I will never learn to go to bed as soon as they finish their last feeding of the day. I like the quiet time once everyone is in bed.

I haven't posted an update because I honestly haven't turned the computer on that often, let alone have a few minutes to put my thoughts together. My days are filled with trying to keep Maddie happy and entertained while feeding and caring for the babies. Not an easy task. Preschool starts a month from today and I know we are all looking forward to that!

Last week my parents and I took the girls to my family reunion in Capitol Reef. It was a nice break from the normal routine, but I learned it is crucial to my sanity to not have anywhere I have to be by 9:00 a.m. on a regular basis. We had a great time visiting with family and enjoying the scenery. I have a couple pictures of me with the girls - I went to get the camera to upload them so that I could post them here but it is not where I left it. I think Maddie moved it while she was "helping" me clean earlier today.

We have been working slowly at cleaning out my mother-in-law's home. We'll be moving in by the end of September if we can get things together. I am looking forward to the move for a lot of reasons but I'm hesitant about it for a few reasons. Hopefully it works out!

Cami and Brie's birth story

I think this all started on Monday night, May 22nd. Aaron and I turned on the season finale of 24 that we had TIVO’d about 11:00. I started having painful contractions about 5 minutes apart while we were watching the show, after 5 of them in a row we decided to get ready to head to the hospital. While Aaron was showering and I was tossing some clothes in a bag for Maddie, the contractions spaced further apart and then stopped completely. 45 minutes after they had started they disappeared completely. We stayed up for another hour and a half to be sure they didn’t come back and then went to bed.

Tuesday I had a couple of contractions throughout the day but they weren’t consistent. Maddie and I spent the afternoon and evening at my parent’s house, Chelsey helped keep Maddie entertained while I got some rest. We headed home after dinner at about 7:45. I got Maddie to bed by 8:30, straightened up the living room and then laid down to watch TV. I started having contractions again about 10:00. I started timing them right away. They were coming every 5-6 minutes but they weren’t very painful. I called Aaron at 10:35 to let him know and he said he thought we should go in and get me checked out. He made arrangements to leave work while I called my parents so that they could meet us to get Maddie. Aaron got home about 11:10 and we arrived at the hospital at 11:40 p.m. My contractions were still consistent but not terribly painful. My parents decided to wait until we knew a little more about what was going on. They ended up leaving with Maddie at about 12:45 once they realized it would be quite some time before we knew what was going to happen.

They had me give a urine sample so that they could check for a UTI, then got me hooked up to the monitors. My contractions were about 6 ½ minutes apart and both babies heart rates were doing very well. The nurse gave me some brethine to try and stop the contractions, my first dose of that was about 12:20 a.m. She also checked me and I was dilated to almost a 4. The brethine worked temporarily but the contractions came back and were more painful. We let my parents know that we’d be there for awhile, we still didn’t know what was going on. I had two more doses of brethine with no permanent success. The lab results on my urine sample came back, I did have an infection (which was probably the cause of the contractions). The doctor on call came in to talk to us about 1:30 a.m., he checked me and did a quick ultrasound to check the position of the girls, they were both breech. He said that after reviewing my chart from my first delivery (only 4 hours long) he wasn’t comfortable with how things were going and that they’d have me in the OR for a c-section within an hour. I didn’t think that was what we were going to hear that night!

After the doctor and nurse left the room I broke down a little bit. I made it to 34 weeks 3 days, which is great, but I was hoping to make it to at least 36 weeks. We were very aware of the possible complications that our girls might have. We asked the nurse to please find an LDS Elder so that I could have a priesthood blessing before going in for the delivery. The surgical tech that was assigned to my c-section was the one who came in to assist Aaron with the blessing. It was a blessing of comfort and peace of mind and I was assured that we would all be okay.

They took me into the operating room and prepared me for surgery. Aaron came in and sat by my side. Doctor Barton came to do the c-section and the on-call doctor stayed to assist him. Things happened so quickly once we were in the operating room! The pediatrician on call came in and was there during the delivery. I opted not to watch them make the incision on the overhead mirror but I did watch as they pulled the babies out. Camille was born first at 3:11 a.m. and Gabrielle (after some prodding, she was reluctant to come out!) was born at 3:13 a.m. I only caught a brief glimpse of both of them before the pediatrician and nurses started working on them right away, they were struggling with their breathing quite a bit. We heard them call out the measurements on the girls, Camille weighed 5 lbs 6 oz. and was 18 ½ inches long, Gabrielle weighed 5 lbs 8 oz. and was also 18 ½ inches long. Their weights were really good for their gestation.

An interesting sidenote, as the doctor was checking everything before stitching me up he said “Have you had an ovary removed?” I answered “No, why? Are you missing one?” He replied “No, but you are!” He mentioned there’s a possibility I had both at one time and the missing ovary may have amputated itself. It’s odd that this has never been discovered after numerous exams and an ultrasound a couple of years ago when I had a cyst on my right ovary.

The next several hours are a bit of a blur. Aaron stayed with me while I was in recovery until they took me to my room. Once we had me settled at about 5:30 a.m., Aaron went to the nursery to check on the girls. I tried to sleep but I was very anxious. Aaron returned to my room with the pediatrician to give me an update at about 6:45. They were working on finding a NICU bed for Brie, Cami seemed to be doing okay and might not need to go to a NICU. They ended up looking for 2 NICU beds, deciding to play it safe. There was a shortage of beds in the valley and the possibility of having one baby at Primary Children’s Medical Center and one at Utah Valley Medical Center was very real. When they found two beds at PCMC they decided to send both girls up there. We had to wait for the Life Flight teams to come via ambulance to prepare the girls for their trip. Brie’s team arrived at about 8:15. Once they had her ready for transport they brought her to my room so that I could touch her and get a couple of pictures with her. She left for PCMC at about 10:30 a.m. Cami’s team arrived at about 9:30 and they brought her to me for a minute as well, she left for PCMC at about 11:15 a.m.

I will post the events and my thoughts/feelings of the following days over the next several days. I still need to pull all of that together! Thanks for reading.

Life is back to a new kind of normal

Hi again! I know it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I last updated this. Some friends have mentioned they were impressed that I had updated my blog so quickly after giving birth. I will just remind you that I was in the hospital for 5 days with no babies and, as a result, very few visitors. Thank heavens for my laptop and the wireless internet access provided by the hospital.

I don't want to get into all of the events of the last 4 weeks tonight, it is late and I am not sure I have my wits about me enough to make any sense right now! I have been working on my birth story a little bit at a time, which is turning into a miniature novel. The problem is that the last several weeks have been SO eventful that I'm having a hard time separating the birth story from a journal of everything that happened afterwards.

After the events of the last several weeks we are finally able to have some "down time" at home enjoying our new babies. They are sweet, adorable, precious little girls and we're just in love with them! Maddie is a very proud big sister and just adores them.

I will be back soon with a detailed update! :)

Daddy holding Cami for the first time 

Another pic of Brie 5/25/06 

Brie after she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

Finally able to hold Cami! 

Brie just before she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

Cami just before she was taken off the ventilator 5/25/06 

The girls are here!

Just a quick update, I will post a more detailed birth story once I've had some time to put my thoughts together.

I arrived at L&D on Tuesday night about 11:45 after having contractions 5-6 minutes apart since 10:00 p.m. They were unable to slow them down and about 1:45 a.m. on Wednesday morning we were told to prepare for my c-section (both girls were breech).

Camille was born 5/24/06 at 3:11 a.m.
5 lbs 6 oz.
18 1/2 inches long

Gabrielle was born 5/24/06 at 3:13 a.m.
5 lbs 8 oz.
18 1/2 inches long

They were born at 34 weeks 3 days. A little earlier than we had hoped for and their lungs are immature and underdeveloped. After the pediatrician observed them for several hours and consulted with a neonatologist at the local children's hospital, they decided to transfer both Cami and Brie to the NICU at the children's hospital. They are responding very well to the surfactant and ventilators and Cami will possibly be coming off the vent as early as this morning.

It is terribly difficult to be so far from them. I was exhausted all day yesterday and slept throughout the day but got a call from Aaron as he was leaving the NICU last night giving me an update on their progress. That brought a whole bunch of emotions to the surface. My doctor has already written up orders for a "day pass" for me to leave the maternity ward for a few hours so that we can make the trip up to the other hospital. I am looking forward to spending some time with both babies as I have really only seen them each for a total of 3 minutes.

I do feel incredibly blessed, the birth was amazing and the girls really are doing very well even though they are needing some assistance.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support, thoughts and prayers!

A picture of us

Aaron's cousin got married yesterday at the Salt Lake Temple. As much as I hate to be photographed in my current whale state I had to take advantage of the flowers and Maddie dressed up like a little flower girl. It's probably the last family picture of just the three of us!

Hanging in there

Barely, it seems! I am not sleeping very well, my body just hurts almost everywhere. We've been busy taking Auntie Barbara around town and I am not able to walk for much more than 30 minutes before I am completely uncomfortable. Fortunately every stop we've made has had a seating area that I can hang out at while Auntie Barbara finishes her browsing/shopping.

My latest pregnancy complaint is numbness. My feet and ankles have been swelling up for several weeks now, but the last several days I have noticed that my right thigh is numb - constantly. While we were at the grocery store Aaron had me use the machine at the pharmacy to take my blood pressure. It was high for me but within normal range (136/76). We have some protein test strips here at home and those are coming up negative. Last night I noticed that the right side of my back, abdomen and chest were numb too. I woke up several times throughout the night and both of my hands were asleep - I could blame the left side on the fact that I was sleeping on that arm, but had no explanation for the right side that had no pressure on it. After asking a few friends (some of them mothers of multiples), it seems like it's fairly normal for the last little bit of pregnancy. I will mention it at my next appointment (on Tuesday). I will check my BP and urine protein every day just to keep an eye on it.

Now for some good news...I'm enjoying my SAHM status! It's been really nice to not have to go to work, especially with the new aches and pains. Maddie and I are having a great time together. We've been busy but she's been a lot of fun. This week is different than most of our days will be because Aunt B. is in town and we have a wedding that will take up most of the day on Thursday, so we won't find a "routine" until next week...and that will quickly change once the girls come anyway!

Aaron and I celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary yesterday. Actually, because of Aunt B's visit we spent the day and evening with family. We'll go out for a date night later this week. I'll post more about my awesome husband and the last 8 years later this week. I love you, Aaron!

I made it!

My last day of work was yesterday. It was a great day, too! My co-workers took me out to breakfast at Johanna's Kitchen and gave me a very generous giftcard to Target. It was unexpected and much appreciated! Thank you to all of you! Work was relatively quiet so most of the day was spent chatting and killing time. I don't think it has hit me that it was my last day just yet.

I had a level II ultrasound this morning to check the babies growth. They are doing so well! Baby A is measuring 4 lbs 3 oz. and Baby B is measuring 4 lbs 7 oz. That is right about where a singleton would be at 32 weeks, so they are thriving! I am really happy about that. I am now carrying more baby than I did when I was pregnant with Maddie, she was 8 lbs. 4 oz. at birth. There is some suspense and a lot excitement knowing that the girls are so close to arriving, knowing that we don't have much control over when it happens! My next doctor's appointment is on the 16th.

Today was my first day as a SAHM. I think it will take me a bit to realize that I'll be home every day and I don't need to take care of everything at once! I spent a good part of the morning picking up my room, scrubbing the shower and doing laundry. After doing that I made Maddie and I some lunch and spent an hour and a half resting on the bed. I talked Maddie into a nap as well, so I spent about 4 hours taking it easy today.

Auntie Barbara is in town from San Francisco, she comes every year for BYU's Women's Conference. Maddie and I joined Auntie Barbara and my family for dinner tonight at Ruby Tuesday's. Maddie was a delight, very well behaved! She warmed up to Auntie Barbara very quickly - she remembered her from her visit last year. It was nice to visit with her for a couple hours tonight. She'll be in town until Wednesday so the next several days we'll be spending together running around the town (slowly though, Aunt B had foot surgery recently and we're both walking at about the same pace!).

My last Monday

This Friday closes a chapter that I didn't think I would ever end. I grew up in a home where both parents worked, and never thought my life would be much different from that. When we found out about the twins in December, one of the first things we realized was the fact that having 2 infants in daycare and a 3 year-old in daycare and preschool would nearly wipe out the income I bring home. I have mentioned my excitement about being a SAHM in previous posts, so I won't go into that here. I just wanted to celebrate the fact that I have already survived my last Monday morning as a working (away from home) mom!

I told Aaron on Saturday that I needed him to understand how grateful I am that he is in a position to support us. The challenge ahead of him is a little daunting - I have been the main breadwinner for the majority of our marriage and I know the amount of stress that comes with that.

We also have been fortunate enough to come into a little bit of money, thanks to Aaron's great aunt and uncle who never had children. They were kind enough to think of all their nieces and nephews when they set up their estate 20+ years ago. While the inheritance we are receiving will not make us wealthy, it will take care of our debts and allow us to have plenty of breathing room in our budget to save for a home (hopefully the home purchase will be made by next summer). The timing of this has been amazing, I just can't believe it! Thank you Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Elton!!!!!!

Getting Excited!

Last night Aaron and his brother picked up our sofa from the storage unit. While they were there, Aaron grabbed the bags of Maddie's baby clothes. Once we got the living room situated and the new slipcovers in place, I started sorting through the clothes. We've bought (and been given) quite a few new outfits for the twins, there's not a shortage of clothing in the house! It was fun to go through the tiny outfits Maddie wore almost 4 years ago.

After that project was done I plugged in the camcorder to make sure the battery was charged and a blank tape was in place. We didn't get the camcorder until December of 2003, so all of the home video *I* have of Maddie begins with her at 16 months old. I went through the tapes and let the nostalgia kick in. Her hair was full of tight curls and she had so much personality and such an enthusiasm for life, even then! I watched the footage we took at Mission Beach in San Diego, smiled at her squealing and giggling at the ocean waves. I watched her run up to Mickey Mouse at Disneyland and give him a big hug - and remembered my amazement at how much affection she had for a character I didn't even know she was familiar with at the time (March 2004)! She was elated to meet any character that we saw, and the expressions on her face were just priceless. I watched the footage we took from a second trip to Disneyland in December of 2004 and couldn't believe how much she had grown in those 9 short months.

Why did I title this particular post "Getting Excited?" As my mind was flooded with memories of Maddie from the days she fit in 0-3 mos. outfits to toddler-hood to today, I was reminded of how much fun it has been to watch her grow into the little person she is today. Getting to know her personality, her quirks, her sense of humor, her zest for life. I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Not that I've forgotten about that part of raising a child, but I have been more consumed with the thoughts of how much work we have ahead of us with the twins coming than with the realization that we are adding two more unique individuals to our family. There are so many fun memories to be made in our future! So, for today at least, I have forgotten about the intimidating and overwhelming parts of the task we have ahead of us and I'm completely looking forward to what's in store. It will be an adventure unlike anything I've ever experienced.

And to my sweet girl, Maddie, I want to make sure you know how much you are loved, cherished and adored. Some day you will realize that you had nearly 4 years with Mom and Dad (grandparents, aunts and uncles, too!) all to yourself. I think that Dad and I have made the most of the time that we've had with you as our only child. I know you are very excited about the arrival of your twin sisters, and I know you will be a fantastic big sister!

Another pregnancy update

I had my 30 week check-up on Friday afternoon. Everything looks good, the babies are growing like they are supposed to and I'm healthy. Both babies are breech, and at this point in the pregnancy it's fairly safe to assume that a c-section is going to be necessary for delivery. I'm okay with that. It's not the ideal delivery situation, but I've had 5 months to get used to the fact that it is a possibility and have tried to prepare myself for it. The doctor did say there is a chance they could change positions, but it wasn't very likely. There's not a lot of space for them to move around like that.

The most shocking information he gave me is that I'm measuring 36 weeks. Normal for a twin pregnancy, but he explained why knowing this is important. The body typically delivers when it thinks it's 40-42 weeks pregnant. Since I'm measuring 36 weeks, my body thinks I'm 36 weeks pregnant right now. That means that my chances of delivering between 34 and 36 weeks are fairly high. Ack! He did say that he's comfortable with me delivering at 34 weeks, would be really happy if I made it to 36 weeks, and wouldn't have me deliver past 38 weeks. He went over the things that warrant a trip to L&D, warning signs to look for, and reminded me how important it is to take it easy and avoid activities that cause fatigue. I haven't had any problems that would make me think that I'll go into labor early, but it's a possibility. I am still holding on to hope that I can make it to 37 weeks or so. I go in for an ultrasound on May 8th (approx. 32 weeks), they will be checking the size of the babies. I have a follow-up with the doctor right after the ultrasound.

I called Aaron when I got to my mom's house and shared the news with him. The poor guy has been so busy with work, his licensing requirements and concerns about his mom's health that he hasn't really had a chance to get used to the idea that we have 2 babies on the way...shortly! I heard from a co-worker of his that he walked around in a bit of a daze on Friday night, repeating "The babies could be here in May instead of June!"

My last day of work is May 4th. I can make it. I really have been okay up until the last 2 weeks. I'm glad that we have planned on me starting maternity leave early. My energy and comfort level have decreased quite a bit the last couple of weeks. I am also incredibly grateful that I finally have the opportunity to be a SAHM. What a blessing! I will be able to enjoy Maddie's last year at home before she starts Kindergarten (sniff). I will also be able to enjoy so many moments that I feel like I have missed out on over the years with my sweet girl. I know that this new chapter is going to bring out a whole new set of challenges, but I'm looking forward to the change!

This pregnancy has put me into overdrive as far as preparations are concerned. I have read a half dozen books on parenting twins. We have been slowly adding to a supply of diapers and other necessities. We have the carseats, stroller, cribs (well, we just need to pick them up) plenty of clothing, etc. My hospital bag is pretty much packed, I am working on getting an overnight bag put together for Maddie. As much as I have done to get ready, I'm feeling incredibly unprepared for what's in store. I'm sure that has a lot to do with the fact that we're having TWINS. I'm sure I have forgotten something, or some things, as I've tried to pull stuff together. "Ready or not...here they come!" (Borrowing that line from Elizabeth Lyons, author of the most helpful and comedic book I've read on the first year with twins).

Some thoughts on my "Sweet Girl"

I love this little girl, there is no question about that. She makes me laugh, smile, cry, and sometimes let out a sigh and shrug my shoulders in frustration because I honestly have no idea how to handle the most recent child/parent power struggle.

I am so looking forward to being home with Maddie (and the two other precious girls that will be arriving shortly). The opportunity to be home with her while her life somewhat revolves around me is priceless. I'm not trying to single out my time as a SAHM with Maddie, I know there are two more joining us shortly and I will love them and cherish my time with them just as much.

Last night I got home from work and she came to stand next to me, resting her head on my very pregnant belly. I asked her if she wanted some snuggle time and she excitedly said "YES!" We went to the couch and she sat in my lap while we went through the alphabet flashcards that came in her Easter basket. The TV was off, Daddy was in the kitchen preparing dinner, we had a few minutes to enjoy each other. I know I don't take advantage of all the chances to have moments like that, but I try to do it often.

It is not uncommon for me to hear words of flattery several times a day. Who couldn't use that? A few weeks ago Maddie was in the tub. I was washing dishes in the kitchen right next to the bathroom and said "Maddie, how are you doing?"
"Good, Mommy. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, too."
"Thanks for checking on me, Mommy!"

I love how she has the whole soundtrack to "Wicked" memorized. It is the only thing we listen to in the car...ever. She sings along with it, asks us "What does that mean?" when she doesn't understand or know a word. She still doesn't understand what "ever since I laid eyes on you" means, because how can one possibly take their eyes out? She has recently felt comfortable enough with the lyrics to the songs that she sings while playing, coloring, etc. She loves to show off her talent when we have other people with us in the car. Of course, everyone has been equally impressed by the 3 year old who knows an entire broadway musical soundtrack.

Bedtime is her favorite because she knows she gets undivided attention. Bedtime stories read by Mom (she has told Aaron he doesn't read stories as good as Mommy does) are her most prized possession, and I can often use them as an incentive to do something . She gets a minimum of one story per night, and can earn more. Last night we started reading at 20 to 8 and I tucked her in to bed just before 8:30. She would notice that the story I was currently reading was almost over and she'd raise a finger (or two, or three) requesting another story with a sweet smile. I ended up reading her 5 stories last night. She sits on my lap or snuggles up next to me and listens intently. Our favorites are the big fat books with a collection of stories in them, and I've recently had to purchase a couple more because we've read the stories so many times I just couldn't take it anymore.

I love that she comes running to me when she wakes up in the morning. Sometimes I'm still in bed, she'll climb in next to me, give me a hug and kiss and say "Good morning!" Sometimes I'm getting ready, she'll sneak into the bathroom and hold her arms out for a hug and say "Good morning!" Sometimes I have to wake her up. On those mornings she is hiding under her blankets (she likes to sleep covered from head to toe) and I am greeted almost instantly by an enthusiastic "Good morning!" I still remember the advice my Aunt Caroline gave me at my baby shower. She told me to cherish and enjoy the moments in the morning when my children are still sleepy and cuddly. I think that's something that I would have figured out eventually, but I have enjoyed those first quiet moments in the morning since the day Maddie was born because of that advice.

Dandelions, tulips and daffodils

Maddie was thrilled to discover the tiny yellow flowers that no one minded her picking out of the lawn. She proudly gave me about 8 of them over the weekend. Sunday afternoon she brought me a dandelion and my mom snuck her out to the front yard so that she could get me some real flowers. I have 3 yellow tulips and a daffodil in a pretty blue vase sitting on my kitchen counter today, thanks to them. I love how Maddie finds such joy in being so thoughtful. It makes me smile.

Another thing that has made me smile the last few days - I can distinctly feel two tiny feet that will "play" with me if I push on my stomach. One foot is right above my belly button, the other is on the right side of my stomach, just a couple inches below my ribs. I'm guessing they don't belong to the same baby...and I have no clue how the girls are positioned at the moment. I'll find out on Friday afternoon at my next check-up. These girls move throughout the day but it's still not the constant tumbling act that Maddie seemed to do. Probably a space issue...

We went from 78 degrees and sunshine on Saturday and Sunday to 34 degrees and snow today. It is crazy! There's probably about an inch on the ground that's sticking, and it's gone from a pretty heavy storm to flutters falling. Must be Utah!

Easter Weekend

We had a busy but very nice holiday weekend. Saturday we had a BBQ at Lou & Kim's (Keegan & Jasmine) with Shaye & Emily (Parker and Kara), Mike and Trisha (Ryklee and Symbree). Shaye, Mike and Lou grew up in the same neighborhood that Aaron and I did and they've been friends since elementary school. We spent a lot more time together pre-kids, but we still manage to get together every 3 months or so. The kids really enjoy each other and had a great time with the Easter egg hunt. I have a few pics from the BBQ but none for the rest of the weekend. We stopped by Payless to get some white dress shoes for Maddie's Easter dress and then went home. We ordered pizza and spent the night hanging out watching TV.

We went to our home ward this morning for the Easter program that Aaron's mom directed and my parents were sang in. It was nice. After Sacrament meeting we went to Marie Callendar's with Pam, Drew and Grandma Nina. Good food and we managed to keep Pam out of the kitchen for the day, so that was good. After brunch we went back to Pam's for a couple hours and Adam and Jodi stopped by to visit. We headed over to my mom and dad's to finish up the chocolate bird nests that Maddie and my mom made on Friday night. Maddie and I delivered them to Amy and her kids while they were visiting their grandma and grandpa. We hung out at my parent's house until it was time to go to my grandparent's house for dinner. We were only there for a an hour and a half or so before we decided to get Maddie home to wind down for the night. The last two days have been busy with no real nap or down time. I'm ready for another weekend and tomorrow is Monday!!!

Ready or not...

My last day of work is less than 3 weeks away. I am so excited about this! The financial aspect of it is a little frightening, but we have been so blessed. Timing wise things couldn't be better. Aaron's new job will allow some flexibility for overtime if needed, and we are just waiting for things to be finalized on the estate that we are beneficiaries of. That money is making everything so much easier and less stressful for us!

This morning Maddie said "Mommy, if you'll stay home with me today, I'll pay you." She's looking forward to my SAHM status as much, if not more, than I am. I am grateful I'm able to do this while she still enjoys spending time with me! :)

About the ready or not, I'm trying to prepare for the babies' upcoming arrival. I'm a bit of a planner, which is a good thing. We have purchased carseats, the stroller, the minivan, the cribs (thanks Mom & Dad!), I've started stocking up on diapers...that's is the one item I am sure I won't have near enough of! Of course they have a small collection of outfits, onesies and receiving blankets. I still need to buy a dresser or some kind of storage center for diapers and clothing, etc. but we are getting pretty close to having the necessities taken care of.

Something that several twin moms have told me is to have my hospital bag packed early, just in case. I am hoping and praying that the "just in case" they are referring to doesn't happen to me, but it's better to be prepared. So, that's the project I'm working on right now. I went to WalMart today to buy the toiletries for the bag (because it's just easier to do that than try and grab everything out of the bathroom in a hurry). I also found some cute pajama pants for $5 a pair. I figure I can rely on pajama pants and t-shirt as a main component in my wardrobe for the first little bit. I may be expecting the worst, but I don't anticipate wanting to or feeling like getting out and going anywhere too often at first. Maybe I'll be surprised...

I am 29 weeks 1 day. Tomorrow is April 15th - which is exactly 2 months from my 38 week mark. The babies will be here on or before that day. I just can't believe we are so close!!! Wish us luck!

Maddie's preschool class picture

Maddie LOVES preschool. Her teacher is Ms. Marianne. These pictures were taken 2 weeks ago.

He passed!

What a relief! The last two days of waiting have been horrible for him, and when he's stressed and anxious he turns into a grumpy, irritable boy. Fortunately I've learned after nearly 8 years of marriage not to take it too personally and to just give him space. I'm so glad we got the news (and that it was great news!) after 2 days instead of a month!

I'm taking dinner to him tonight at work and also picking up a treat at Costco for all his co-workers at the ER so that he can celebrate with them. I haven't seen him since he got the results, I was at the doctor's office this morning for a glucose test when he texted me the message "I PASSED! I PASSED! I PASSED!" I didn't doubt his ability but he was convinced he had failed. I'm so happy for him, this is a huge accomplishment!

Waiting on Wednesday...

Aaron took the NCLEX this morning. The test shut off at 75 questions. This could be good or bad. "If you are clearly above the passing standard at this time, you will pass; likewise, if you are clearly below the standard you will fail. If you are too close to the standard to allow a definitive result to be determined, you will continue to answer questions until a final assessment can be made. RN candidates may take a maximum of 265 questions, LPN candidates a maximum of 205."

We don't have results yet and might not for a few days. Aaron is just sick about it. He said he's not feeling overly confident about how he was doing, but he always assumes the worst when it comes to testing. I really hope he gets good news this week! He can retake the test in 90 days if he didn't pass, but we're obviously hoping that's not necessary. I'll update again when I know what the results are!

I took Maddie to Little Gym yesterday. She LOVED it. The girl had a grin on her face the whole time. It did wear her out, last night she actually asked to go to bed. I selfishly wish I could take her every day! We are looking at some different classes/activities we can sign her up for this summer so that she has something all her own to do. Aaron will be home several days a week to take her swimming, and there are some great community ed. options that are close by and inexpensive. I'm just waiting for their summer schedule to come out so that I can get her registered for tumbling and ballet - those are the two classes she has said she wants to take.

Maddie is really into being a big girl. I recently told her to stop growing so fast and she said "But Mom! How would I ever help with the babies if I was a baby?" She'll say something similar to this several times a week. She has a point! She takes pride in doing things that prove how she is a big girl, it's been a lot of fun to watch.

I haven't posted any "belly pics" of me on here. The most recent one I have was taken on Monday, March 27th. I was 26w4d. I apologize for the self-taken photographs, I usually think about taking some when no one is around to do it for me.





It took a long time for me to look pregnant. Just to compare, here are 2 pictures that were taken at 21 weeks. My stomach "popped" out at about 24 weeks.

Long overdue update

I had my 27 week check-up and ultrasound yesterday. Everything looks great. Baby A is measuring at approx. 2lbs 2 oz. and Baby B is approx. 2 lbs 4 oz. They are both growing on schedule and my due date has been bumped up officially to June 29th. Since my doctor won't have me deliver any later than 38 weeks, the girls will be here by June 15th. We are slowly stocking up on the necessities, the carseats arrived last week, I ordered the stroller yesterday, and we'll be picking up diapers and wipes with each shopping trip. The girls are pretty active but don't move nearly as much as I remember Maddie moving. It feels more like popcorn popping most of the time. Every once and a while I feel more pronounced movement, like the other night. Aaron and I went to see Michael Buble in concert at Abravanel Hall. One of the songs had a drum solo that was really loud and I was enjoying it when a sudden punch in my abdomen made me jump a little in my seat. I think we have finally decided on the names, Camille and Gabrielle. We know middle names as well, but they're underwraps until the girls get here (surprise for the family I suppose). The nicknames we will be using are Cami and Brie.

Speaking of the Michael Buble concert, it was excellent. He is a great entertainer! We laughed a lot and the music was great. We don't often splurge on a night out like that, but we were not disappointed. We enjoyed a nice meal at Samba Grill and then browsed and shopped at Borders bookstore before the concert. Our seats were perfect, we were on the 2nd row of the 1st tier on the right side of the stage.

The latest addition to the family is a white 2006 Nissan Quest. We traded in the Toyota Matrix, which did not have room for three carseats in the back. Neither does our Dodge Neon, but that car will primarily be used to get Aaron to work and back now that I am going to be home fulltime. This was a large purchase that we put a lot of thought into. We have had the van for about 3 weeks and we love it. Maddie loves that she can see out the windows so well, I love the power sliding door and the rear A/C and heating vents. Aaron's a big fan of the V6 engine. There is a ton of cargo space as well. After we got over the initial shock of having (and needing!) a minivan, we're loving it!

Maddie is struggling with the upcoming changes, I suspect. She's acting up a bit more, wants more attention, testing her boundaries a little bit. It's been a challenge to figure out how to handle it all. She is mature for her age, and it's hard to remember sometimes when she does something that is normal for a 3 year old that she is just a 3 year old. We can have lengthy detailed discussions about things, she has the soundtrack of Wicked and the Wizard of Oz memorized, she's very independent. It makes it difficult to discipline her because she seems to be a little adult so much of the time. I have been reading and practicing the 1, 2, 3 Magic techniques and that has helped a bit. Maddie must think it works, she attempted to count the cat out of her room the other night. "ZEUS! Get out of my room! 1, 2, 3!" No, it didn't work, but I had to smile at her technique. Maddie has one more month of preschool, her last day is also my last day of work. Since I'll be home for the last 4-6 weeks before the babies arrive, I am hoping to have enough energy to do some fun things with her.

Aaron is taking the NCLEX on Wednesday, April 5th. The poor guy is stressed to the max. He's been studying at least 10 hours a day for the last 2 weeks. I think he will do just fine, but he always struggles with test anxiety. This particular test is a big deal, so I completely understand the stress. He really loves his job and the people he works with. His schedule will work out pretty well for us, as crazy as it is. He works Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday from Noon-Midnight and then Tuesday and Friday from Noon-Midnight. He has a 5 day stretch where he's off every other week. With his shift starting later in the day, I might be able to get a shower every morning when the babies get here!

Sorry this update is a little disjointed, I'm at work and keep getting interrupted. I will most likely post an update next week once Aaron has finished his NCLEX.

Ultrasound results are in!

We're expecting two girls! I'm excited. Finding out the genders and seeing the clear images during the ultrasound made the pending arrival much more real. I keep looking at the ultrasound pictures in amazement at what is going on inside me, and I'm falling in love with them!

Aaron was able to be there for the ultrasound, which was great. We were surprised to hear that Maddie's prediction of boy/girl twins was incorrect, but we're still delighted with the news. We were also able to hear the heartbeats for the first time. The regular doppler isn't efficient at separating the heartbeats, so the doctor hasn't attempted it. The ultrasound machine was able to pick it up really well. I said out loud "That's the first time I've heard them!" and I got a little emotional. The ultrasound tech verified that all of the organs were in place and appeared to be in perfect shape, all of the limbs are there too. That is so wonderful to know!

Aaron's worried about all of the emotions and estrogen he's going to be surrounded with, but he's adjusting fine. A quick trip to look at baby clothes last night helped him get used to the idea, he's a sucker for baby girl clothes!

Now to decide on names. Aaron likes the idea of names that start with the same letter, we're tossing around the possibility of Hannah and Hailey. I really like the name Hannah, not so sure about Hailey at the moment. I also like the names Camille, Emma (too popular right now though), Brooklyn...there are a few on the list. Aaron does like the name Camille, and I think that Hannah and Camille are lovely twin names! We'll be discussing this for the next 18 weeks, I'm sure! Maddie thinks we should name one of them Dorothy (Wizard of Oz fan). I'm going to have to put my foot down, there. :)

Maddie is so excited to have two little sisters. We took her shopping last night and let her pick out the first outfits we purchased for them. My mind is spining at the thought of all the pink and purple, dress-up clothes and princess items we'll be surrounded by for the next several years. I do love my sweet girl, and I'm looking forward to getting to know the personalities of the other two that are on their way!